Lost himself in looking and almost,
Forgot glass, eye, air , space
Simply, he thought, the world is improved
By my staring, how the still glass leaps
When the sky thuds in like tides"
this last week has been a week of full of reflection and deep questions...its amazing what the right atmosphere can get out of you...me, white samurai (lol) and bob went to the beach just to hang out and we ended up throwing around some really deep questions...about first crushes,first love(ya i know man, u love joe) about religion, life, birthdays...
haha there was this one point where we got so hyped up and everyone was yelling at each other, one bitching that he didnt get his birthday present, the other about how they didnt get the traditional birthday card, another about how small THEIR birthday card was,( TWO PIECES OF MANILA CARD MAN, IT WAS HUGE!) or how they didnt get treated on their birthday...then samurai yelled at the top of his lungs "LISTEN TO ME WHINE!!".. we fell silent,shocked, then burst out laughing and continued bitching! hahaha good times...
but there were silent times too...its awesome to just lie down and gaze at the stars, each thinking different things..i dont know what the others were thinking, but I was thinking about a question that was raised..
"would you have ended up being the same person if a particular event didnt happen?"
i thought back to a time, when i fell for this guy, but didnt tell anyone about it..(dont even try asking, u guys, im STILL not telling you who it was)..he was a guy in school and he was part of the 'group'...spent a lot of time with him so bit by bit started to fall for him.. but i have this rule where you dont fall for your friends so to not seem like a hypocrite, i kept my feelings on the down-low...he was a great guy and we had a blast everytime we were together, and damnnn he had a smile that could melt butter...so anyway, i never told him i had feelings for him, but i wonder what wouldve happened if i did?
everytime we fall for someone, there are all these risks that come up...i cant count the number of times that ive lost touch with friends cause i scared them away after telling them that i had feelings for them...and damn that hurts...so now i think twice before telling anyone that i have feelings for them...because u neve know how they would react...and with my luck, it usually ends up bad...and rejection has made me a more wary person...sure ive made some bad calls.. messing ppl up by telling them i had feelings for them at times when it was the last thing they needed to hear, but ill be damned before i do that to someone again...
but then, what if u ended up letting love slip by cause you were too scared to take a risk?
sighs..
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|7:46 PM|