damnit..why? why did he have to lie? why couldnt he just tell the truth?then i wouldnt have let myself fall in to this mess too deeply..but now, without any power to stop it, ive fallen.. i dont even know why this is bothering me so much..hes not supposed to mean anything to me..
but bit by bit, over time, ive grown attached.. everytime the phone beeps and his name comes up, i smile.. he makes me laugh with his jokes and teasing..he made me feel...loved...yeah thats it..he made me feel loved without making me feel the obligation to give something back..and at first i didnt..but gradually i started giving something back...
i dont know how it happened, but i guess some of his targeted words hit home..now i dont even know if he meant any of the things that he said...
fuck im getting messed up in the head...in one hand, theres the obvious thing to do..but on the other hand is the thing i WANT to do.. and fuck it..im gna do wat i wanna do.. even if it means im gonna open up this healing wound again..
maybe itll work out...maybe he can act as my painkiler, my sedative, to keep my mind off things..at least until the real thing comes along..the healing salve that will cure the hurt..and cure it fully...
but in the meantime, i'll play his game, but i'll throw in a few rules of my own.. lets just see what happens next...
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|2:52 AM|