i was going to tell you how i felt on saturday, the day we were supposed to watch the movie, but then you suprised me by cornering me on friday and telling me how YOU felt.
you said that you liked me.
you said that you would regret it if you didnt tell me today.
you said you've always felt comfortable around me
you said that if we were to take the relationship to another level, and i were to go overseas, you would still give 'us' a try.
and then,
i said that i liked you too, probably longer than you've liked me
i said that i loved your companionship
but then,
i said that i didnt know much about you, and you didnt know much about me
i said that i have just gotten hurt by a guy, who toyed with my heart, and left me bruised
what i wanted to say was that i wanted to give 'us' a chance, even though i was fresh out of the battlefield and the bruises were still healing..because i truly believed that you could be the one to help me heal...
we parted that day without officially establishing what we were.. we didnt have a 'status'...
but u made me feel cared...
and my mindset started to change, i started to act like i was someones girlfren.. baby steps towards an official relationship...
it was funny in a way; regarding you as a 'boyfriend'
introduced you to my brother and my friends
let my friends get to know u better
making you top priority when having a chance to call or message
telling you what i was up to
getting jealous when that girl showed intrest in you (not that i told u i was jealous)
but then, after a week ad a half of being in the 'grey area', someone started showing interest in me.. and although i had no interest in him, it made me wonder just what exactly me and you were.. because even though i would have felt guilty if i had given him my number, i shouldnt feel guilty because you and i arent 'exclusive'.. i shouldnt feel jealous because you werent mine..
so i asked you outright, " what exactly are we?" and your answers shocked me..
u answered that you have been thinking after confessing
u answered that you realized after much thought, that you wouldnt stand a long distance relationship
u answered that you were so scared of the future, of not HAVING a future with me, that that was why you havent asked me to be your girlfren
u answered that you hoped that we would just remain as we are, friends?
i am sick of hearing that excuse,
i am sick of people using the future as an excuse.
because thats what it is, a cowardly excuse.. werent you the one that told me that we should seize life?that we should live in the now? cant you see what you have NOW? fuck the future, fuck the fact that u might lose me to a foreign country, you have me NOW...
i am sick of handing my heart to someone i deem worthy of keeping it safe and to have them walk all over it...
im tired, but i dont want to go to sleep, because ill just dream of you...Fate fell short this time
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Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I’ll leave when I wanna
This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say you meant anything different
To anyone standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met
Look to the past
And remember and smile.
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you.
|11:10 PM|