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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

* vindicated

isnt it awesome when you turn on the stereo, music pours out, and your thoughts just cease to exist? all the cares, concerns, worries that you had before, for four and a half minutes, just stops hammering around in your head, stops demanding attention.


"A Lifetime" - Better Than Ezra
my song when i want to be braindead.

after yesterdays piece of bad news, i locked myself in my bedroom and turned on my music. i switched off the voices arguing in my head and watched the ceiling fan go roun and roun..

i guess its only inevitable to breakdown when the one thing that kept me going through this emotional rollercoaster is gone.. all because of a stupid deadline.. one that i couldnt have met even if i had known there was a deadline.

everything just seems to be bad timing.. like everything just seems out of sync.. an actor has his script stapled wrongly and now hes acting out different acts in different sequences.. and nothing makes sense anymore.

nothing makes sense anymore.nothing.

something that ive kept close to me throughout this whole ordeal is my sense of humour and confidence.. but a certain someone has been trying to take them away from me. can someone please tell him that if i dont want to feel sorry for myself, or make bitter jokes about how everyone has better luck than me, I WONT. im not you. self-pity isnt a weapon of mine. keep your grey linings to yourself.

one thing they dont tel you about living your life one day at a time is that its damn exhausting.


please dont ask from me more than im willing to give. sometimes i need to keep some sanity for myself.

thank you to the ones who made the 11th, 12th, 13th and 15th of November memories. all the cats we hit, all the foil hats we made, corny jokes thrown around. thanks for the intwined memories.

"hope, dangles on a string.
like slow spinning redemption,
winding in, and winding out.
the shine of it has caught my eye.
and roped me in.
so mesmerizing so hypnotising
i am captivated."

stupid hope. u know somethings wrong when Fae starts listening to Dashboard Confessionals again.

i hope my sleepover session with Bil and Shaz on Saturday night de-emo-fies me. Berayaing on Sunday. who wants their house to be attacked by a convoy of 7 hungry insane wolves masquerading as teenagers berayaing, raise up their hands.


|
|2:20 PM|

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