++ Drama Queen Diaries ++

moved

2008-12-08T23:07:00.001+08:00

why are you still here?

Fae's MULTIPLY

from the haze of dreams

2007-11-17T00:56:00.000+08:00

When you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing you think about?

this is ALWAYS my first thought:

" SHIT IM GONNA BE LATE FOR CLASS WHY OH WHY DIDNT I GO TO BED EARLIER??"

the next thoughts would then be a strand from the topics of "oh wait I don't have any classes", "I dont WANNA get outta bed" or " SHIT SHIT SHIT IM GONNA BE LATE"...

I always seem to oversleep, or so unwilling to get out of my cocoon of duvet and pillows that I end up racing to get dressed and powerwalking to lectures...

I thought I had the answer to all my problems when i bought myself an alarm clock from Argos, and set it up proudly, even going to the lengths of buying an IKEA bedside table so itll be an arm lengths away from the bed...

But yeah, I'm still always late. Cause i never seem to go to bed early enough to set the damn clock, and when i do finally stumble into bed after watching TV or working til the wee hours of the morning, I instantly crash headfirst into the pillows, and the cycle of "SHIT IM LATE", starts again the next morning...

maybe i should pay someone to come in my room and shake me awake... beats freezing in the cold because I have wet hair and didnt have time to dry it.

Haloween

2007-11-13T09:57:00.000+08:00

HALOWEEN PARTY @ MISKIN STREET with the COLUM GANG!!!!

more pictures at Umie's Multiply Album of Haloween Party

take a look at the photo album cause its aweeesssoooome... follow the link!

traps, gore and sharp things

2007-11-01T07:03:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELINA!!!!

semalam kami kana blanja oleh Melina di Bali :D thank you Melina! Then we broke our habit of going to Cineworld to watch movies, and instead, went to Vue.. And what did we watch?

AND it was AWESOME !!!!!!

I wish I had remembered the last three Saw movies more clearly though... But I badly needed the loo throughout the movie so I wasn't concentrating as much.. Then again, watching a Saw movie is basically spent hiding your eyes from the gore and trying to block the screams of pain anyway...

tapi cool eh...

The clocks have been moved forward so nights are longer now.. Baru 5pm, and its dark already.. Very depressing if you ask me.. Although to be fair, I should wake up earlier, so that I'd see more sunlight =p

Allowance is out tomorrow.. its time for all of us to sit down and IB (Internet Banking) everyone money thats owed.. Remember when there was a rumour over the summer that our allowances had been increased? But just as 99.9% of all Bruneian rumours, it never holds any truth!

I WISH THIS ONE DID THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all our moments have lead to this

2007-10-25T05:32:00.000+08:00

So what have YOU been doing all raya?

Santy, Umie, C.J and I went to watch the Blackout gig at the Cardiff Student Union last Tuesday, and it was AWETHOME!!

Funny thing was, the gig started at 8pm, and Umie was taking her time getting ready, and Santy and I were stuck in front of the TV watching Americas Next Top Model, so we came to the gig late.. We went through the back way, and ran up the stairs heading towards the venue..

And who did we bump into on the way? SEAN, one of the lead singers of The Blackout!! One thing i should mention is that UMIE IS IN LOVE WITH SEAN, so she was pretty awestruck! hahaha he was nice and said "HI!" to us, and told us where the venue was (kami pretending kami lost), so that was the highlight of the night! Balum lagi start gig lagitu! hehehe

Raya is an excuse to dress up, look pretty and take lotsa lotsa pictures!

Mackintosh Open House!

Miskin Street had their own open house the next day, serving Kolomee and Sushi and Bread n Butter Pudding.. Didnt get to take a lot of pictures, but stole this one from Belle's facebook =p

It was a busy busy day, and Santy's cousin, JemJem came to U.K and since he hasnt got a place of his own yet, he's staying here in the meantime... The house seems extra full, but the Miskin Street home is always welcoming guests, cause guess who came and visited all the way from Kent?

Ali fitted well in the Miskin Street house, what with his competitiveness and sense of humour.. the Nintendo WII macam nada turned off the whole time Ali was here!! Heee was fun having him over, cause it feels like a long time since we hung out properly.. Siuk siuk =p

Melina's pre-birthday Bash happened Friday, and the party was hopping!!!! Pictures up soon.. too many pictures in this post!

the little things noone knows about

2007-10-14T07:03:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir dan Batin :)

Hope your first day of Hari Raya was better than mine.. mine was spent in bed with a fever, with a temperature that was high enough to cook an egg and spewing just like the girl in The Exorcist =)

disgusted? just be happy you weren't there...

But the upside of being sick is that I'm treated like a princess by Grumpy.. Its really sweet on how hard he tries to make me comfortable, even after i ralphed over his hoodie.. Haha yes too much information..

But yes, i heart him =)

Hakeemachine left on the morning of first day of Hari Raya, joining Santy who was heading up to Manchester.. Though later that day, Bazilahs sister, Ka Amalina, came down from Manchester to stay with us over the weekend.. Ka Amalina is leaving tomoro night, and Santy is also coming home from Manchester tmoro night.. It's like a tag-team =P

I was surfing the net, and i came across a certain girl's blog... To be honest, I've been wary of this girl ever since the first time I met her, and over time, from how I've seen her act around other people, my reasons to dislike her keeps adding up...

But from her blog, I've learnt that her father is now gone.. And from that fact, I've decided to cut her some slack...

This reminded me of another time last year when another friend of a friend, who I initially didnt like, but tolerated for politeness sake, lost her father, and i decided to cut her some slack and make an extra effort to be nice.. And one of my friends pointed out that that was really superficial of me, as I was only being nice to her just because her father had passed away... I wasnt being nice to her because I started to like her, but was because I was feeling sorry for her loss... He pointed out that even though they've lost someone dear to them, it doesnt give them a free pass to be mean to others...

I dont really know if what i'm doing is superficial or the right thing, but its just what i've decided to do.. They've suffered a loss..And I (alhamdulillah) don't have any idea how that feels like, but i'll give them the benefit of the doubt...

* i apologize if this post has painted me as insensitive or if i have hurt anyones feelings *

On a lighter note. I'm in love with Colbie Caillat's songs. "Bubbly" reminds me of how i feel around Grumpy =)

And I'm also listening to The Blackout.. Kind of doing background reading as Im watching them live this Tuesday!

Can't wait!

its OKAY!

2007-10-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

oh my god. a classic just came up on MTV while Ive been waiting for Umie to come down so we can go to town together and buy a Guitar Hero Guitar!! Atomic Kitten's "It's OK!".. download it cause seriously, its such a feel good song =D

random i know hahha.. goddamn where is Umie! I should go up and drag her out the door =p

Grumpy downloaded the whole of House MD Season 3 for me! took him FOUR WHOLE days, but hey, we have 20mb broadband =p if that aint love i dunno what is.. hahaha

UMIE???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've got better things to do tonight than die

2007-10-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

the Hakeemachine is still here!! HAHAHAHA.. Hes been here since Friday the 5th, and was supposed to just stay over the weekend! But cause of persuasion, he stayed monday as he only had classes tuesday.. Then on Tuesday, he finds out that some poor soul threw themselves off a bridge onto train-tracks, and railway services to Leeds were halted.. huhuhuhuhuhu!

Not that anyones complaining.. Santy of course, is happy to have the boyfy around - we're happy that hes making Santy happy as that means Santy will whip up yummy meals, and Farid's happy that hes not the only boy in the Miskin Street home... Living with four (loud!) girls cant be good for anyones sanity...

On Saturday the 6th, I went down to London with Grumpy and his ex-housemates to pick some boxes that they had shipped to Brunei Hall.. they had rented a huge Transit and we drove down to London.. The funny thing was that London looks waaaaay different on the road than when your a little pedestrian.. We got lost in the big maze that is Central London for an hour or so till we finally got our bearings right and found Brunei Hall..

By that time we were all sick of being stuck in traffic, so we just parked the car and went around on foot =D I met Ali!! Hee, totally forgot that he was down in London for the weekend! was great to see him! He was wearing his pilot jacket and it looked loose on him! Ali lost weight aaaaaaaaa?

We drove back to Cardiff a few hours before sungkai, and we sungkai-ed at some random reststop off the highway.. was probably Reading but heck, what do I know =s

you know how the English have Sunday Roast and all that.. The Miskin Street Posse had something resembling that! Hakeem had a craving for lamb, so we bought lamb cutlets and had steak! And for once, me and Umie didnt have to rush off to work later that night, so we just stuffed ourselves with lamb and potato =D =D =D

the next day was another stuffing incident as BSUnion Officers came to Cardiff so that we could bayar our Zakat and dorang terus lanja sungkai!! Bazilah, Farid and I had to sort out the restaurant and menus and stuff, to feed 40 hungry students, but be under budget enough not to suck the BSUnion Finance office dry =p

there should be pictures up from the BSUnion Comin To Cardiff dinner soon enough...

pictures.. yes.. i forgot about those =p

OH!

2007-10-01T19:48:00.000+08:00

and BTW i have curly hair now =P

do you live in a house or a home?

2007-10-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

Allowance keluar today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=D =D =D =D

been in Cardiff for exactly 10 days, and my new room is still a HUUUUUUGEEEEEE mess.. for some weird reason, i havent been in my room too much... either out with the housemates, hanging in the living room, or been at work.. i think a part of me is avoiding facing my room, which looks like a moving truck puked its contents onto my floor =p

need to buy stuff to make my room look more livable! when the Miskin St. Posse (hahahaha Umie made that name up =p ) went to IKEA and bought kitchen and house stuff, each of us also bought stuff for our biliks, but i didnt buy much =( i wanna go to IKEA again! *puppy dog eyes trained on Melina*

Our first week here was basically trying to make the 'house' a 'home'... meaning moving stuff from our previous houses, buying LOADS of stuff for the house, and hooking up the phone,internet and TV.. and thanks to mr. Virgin Media, we now have 20MB of broadband and 120 channels of TV!!! haha the first day we got internet ( we didnt have a TV set yet so we couldnt watch TV), the five of us were sat in the living room with each of our laptops, chatting with EACH OTHER online.. hahahaha lame wah kami ah...

sama kami masak masak!!!! the first night we cooked together, we had ONE pot and ONE pan between us, and like, FOUR spoons.. hahah but we managed to whip up a good dinner for sungkai =p now we've stocked up on food and kitchen crockery and TADA, our kitchen is now just like an IKEA kitchen showroom =D

Nira was envious of our new kitchen when she, Maul, C.J and Amin came over to cook and have sungkai together... twas very fun having guests over, and Nira cooked us her awesome mango chicken so that made it more awesome heee.. but we started cooking so late that we only sat down for dinner an hour after sungkai haha.. and the TV had just been set up so everyone got their game on and played the Nintendo Wii!!

with the internet being so fast, i have no excuse not to post =p

and the blue moon has set =P

2007-08-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

funny on how i always seem to blog right after someone tags on my board commenting on how much i DONT blog.. haha, this time, the main man to thank who's tag pushed this post into existence is mr.Shairazi =P

at Umies at the moment, on her bed blogging while Grumpy is playing GUITAR HERO, and miss Umie is playing with candle wax... not kidding, shes moulding them into squares or something haha

im still tired from last night.. it was tanglung night, and for once i actually got off my lazy bum and headed to Bandar to watch the float.. Grumpy and i picked up Abang after his tution class (Abang left the Swift at Grumpys place) and the three of us headed to Bandar..

we were caught in a traffic jam like, 5 SECONDS later.. so we had a brainstorm to just park at Supasave Mabohai and WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE MAIN SQUARE =D younglings, thinking they can walk everywhere and all.. and me and Grumpy are so used to walking (all around Cardiff that was the main source of transportation LOL) so we didnt mind...

when we got to the main square, which is the area all around the field, Abang took "behind-the-scenes" pictures, while Grumpy and I tried to follow him and make sure Abang didnt get lost... Abang took really good pictures, which im sure will be uploaded to www.fokuskatik.blogspot.com soon enough...

the walk back was hellish though =p mainly as we were walking back to Supa Save at near midnight, after hanging at the gerai for so long =P

now Umie is playing Guitar Heroes, and huhuhuhu emosi

Actually, we just came back from a Posse Hangout, which comprises of the habitants of Miskin Street in September... yes yes, me,Umie, Santy, Bazilah and Grumpy are going to live on a street called MISKIN STREET.. ups our cool factor =p

the Posse did what we usually do at a Posse Hangout, which is a movie ('Disturbia' this time, Shia LeBouf *drool* ), then getting stuff to eat while joking about everything and anything... heeeee Posse hangouts are awesome =p

my results are out =D

alhamdullilah i passed all my exams so i dont have to re-sit any of my modules, so i dont have to fork out more money to pay for an earlier flight back to UK to re-sit my exams.. yes i am awethome =D

but remind me to study harder next year, as I am aiming for a First Class Degree, and not revising till the very last minute wont get you a First Class =p

hows Pinky Blue doing at the moment i wonder.....

tomoro im going to Nanas parent teacher meet, and going to pretend to be her parent... huhuhuuhuhuhu

see you the next blue moon =p

and when we come home

2007-07-03T16:00:00.000+08:00

hopefully everyone knows that now im back in brunei and noones gonna text me on the phone yelling "YOU'RE IN BRUNEI AND NEVER TOLD ME???"..... so lets just make the official announcement..

FAE IS BACK IN BRUNEI WOOOOOHOOOOOOO

haha, me and Melina braved the sixteen hour flight together.. my personal TV didnt work, but that was no suprise... i slept most of the time anyway haha...

two hours of being back in Brunei and i already threw a party... just a lil get together with my best mates, stuffing ourselves with Ikrams shepards pie, and satay and mommys peanut butter chicken.... yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm~~~~

the two weeks before Grumpy joined me here, caught up with virtually everyone i know, (tryna downplay just how many people i know =p lol), and got the latest gossip of the dramas of Brunei.. whos going out with who, the break ups, who turned gay, the usuals LOL

it seems that Brunei hasnt changed,but in some ways its changed a lot.. new people - THREE new babies have been borne to the three sets of newly-weds whos weddings i had to endure three weeks back to back right before i left for Cardiff..

certain people have changed, and my relationships with them, though to no fault of any party, has changed.. aren't so close as we used to be.. but hey, its all good.. things change..

and certain people just plain disappointed me

on Sunday the 1st of July, had a bbq, a joint bday celebration for Baby Farah and abgs gf Nani, and Alee and Billy, the spoilt brats that they were, wanted to celebrate their birthdays early (their bdays are in august and November respectively, how bratty is that LOL)

what with the wet bouncer and the old crowd, the whole day i was grinning..

abang and umie took good piccies, abangs new photoblog - Fokuskatik inc.

all good =)

he tastes like you only sweeter

2007-06-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

//playing "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" - Fall Out Boy

on Saturday, the 2nd of June, armed with my pint-sized Welsh flag, I went to the Millenium Stadium with Grumpy, Rijal, Zharif, Freddie and Peman to watch the Wales v.s Czech Republic Euro 2008 Qualifying game... there was a huge crowd of Welsh supporters, mainly due to the fact that it was Ryan Giggs' last game playing for the Wales National Team.. this was apparently due to his choice to concentrate more on playing for Man United...

so wheeeeeeeee I was part of history =D

Wales v.s Czech Republic 0-0

The view from inside the Millenium Stadium

Cardiff-Bruneians!!

the game could have gone so much cooler if someone had scored.. but sadly the outcome of the game was 0-0... and 5minutes before the game ended, Ryan Giggs bowed out, and the stadium gave him a standing ovation as a send-off...

Ryan Giggs

--------------------------------------------------------

On Sunday, one of my housemates, Edd, moved out cause he was done with exams and he wanted to go home to Devon as soon as possible.. while he was packing, Corentin and I were talking about the crazy times we had together.. like playing scream-tag after our Christmas dinner, playing guitar in the courtyard, and using Grumpy's paintball gun to shoot at people's windows... I don't know if i'll ever see Edd again cause he and I wont be living with each other anymore next year... but heheheh funny times this past year...

Santa Edd

Edd with Corentin's pimping hat..

Corentin and Edd were like brothers to me, making me feel less homesick by doing crazy spontaeneous stuff, and making fun of the stuff i ate... there was this one time i accidentally ate a pizza that had meat in it, and they teased me about being a "ham-lover" all year *lol*

and to think I had a little crush on Edd in the beginning of the year.. *blush*

homie love

2007-06-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

//playing "Like This" - Kelly Rowland ft. Eve

funny thing happened yesterday... was with Santy, Baz and Grumpy at Chicken Cottage, gobbling up burgers cause we were so hungry, when me and Santy's conversation of work and school mentioned Reza. the usual compliments to the boy , him being phenomenally smart, bla bla bla *lol*.. i was hit by an overwhelming urge to text him, just to say "Hows it going, dawg?"

And 2 seconds after i hit 'Send', Reza called saying "okay thats just plain weird cause i was JUST thinking of you and was wondering how you were".. apparently he was going to call to check up on me at the same time i thought of him.. hahaha this wasn't the freaky part, but the freaky part is that this has happened in FOUR other occasions... me and him have a really cool psychic connection =D i'd like to blame all the weed we used to share together... huhuhuhuhu KIDDING!!

he sounded good, and we were joking like old times.. Hopefully we'll see each other in Brunei, and do our usual walking-around-Gadong-doing-nothing-but-bitch-about-people thang.. and Reza also has a cool present for me =D if he keeps his word, his present will banish me from boring afternoons for the next decade =D but not going to keep my hopes up just yet =D

i should actually be at home packing as i need to move out of halls before 16th June, and that doesnt leave me much time to pack after my last exam... but i dont have my keys and Nira has been keeping me, Grumpy, Bazilah and Santy prisoner in Colum... Maul is coming back from Verona at midnight tonight, so we'll be freeeeeeeeeeeee.....

not that i can complain about the amount of food we've been fed the whole time we've been in Colum! just last night we cooked Pineapple masak Kari , and Sotong masak kicap, topped with triple chocolate ice-cram for desert.... yum~~~~~~

on a side-street, me and Bazilah are watching an old video of Destiny's Child "Bills, Bills, Bills". when they had four members, we wondered how the two original members of Destiny's who dropped out before Destiny's Child became multi-platinum feel at the moment... are they killing themselves, green with envy because of the new Destiny's Child success? haha Baz said if she were one of the members that dropped out, she would be depressed with regret at the moment... LOL

Mashes is back from her K.L trip with Ikram and Ikram's cousin.. i am soooooooo going to give them a guilt trip when i come home for going off to K.L without me... heeeeheee

out of pure boredom i just left a tag on the pumpungmans blog, claiming to be Shairazi's ex.. hahahaha bet you he'll have to go thru a looooong mental list of girl names before he figures out that it was a joke.. =p that's how perasan my homie is =D

dush dush

2007-05-31T00:55:00.000+08:00

hahahaha this is going to be RANDOM, but watched this at Hamdi's blog and thought it was so cool!

its a beatboxer who uses his kitchen skills to hone down a beat... hella cool!

reminds me of the M.D Days where illogic and illinois beatboxed in front of the library =D

if this cant load cause of my abysmal blogging skills, just skip over to Hamdi's blog where you can watch it too.

xx

Beatbox Fame Game
Uploaded by loranger

if blood is thicker than water, will it drown u faster?

2007-05-29T21:27:00.000+08:00

at Colum at the moment, with Nira, who is alone at home cause fiance Maul is off in the land of where Romeo woo-ed Juliet, teaching italians how to body-throw someone twice their sizes... i.e Personal Defence Training Seminar in Verona, Italy.. =D

watching MTV Base on SkyTV while Nira does what girls do before going out in public =p

anyhoo, we're gonna be off to town in a moment, hooking up with Bazilah to have a shopping spree.. saddening fact is that it wont be a shopping spree for the soul, but more like a shopping spree foe those who claim to be of blood, but we only get to see during family functions that by chance both parties made an exception to attend...

don't get me wrong, i dont mind shopping for family members, but only for family members that know your REAL name, not the name that you siblings bellow out when company comes over... and if they know why i'm in Cardiff in the first place would be an added bonus.. which is to do a degree on a scholarship, not a private-funded-9-month-holiday-masquerading-as-further-education kinda thing.. its tight enough living in a foreign country on a monthly allowance without layan-ing the requests of your aunts asking for Tie Rack merchandise that i have to say is hugely overpriced if converted to Bruneian dollars..

and what about your brood of cousins who tormented you in your childhood but now are begging for that new Nike football kit 'only found in the U.K'?

and after spending money on souvenirs for the 'family', will i have enough money to buy fun things for the friends close to the heart?

urgh, the dreaded obligated cause-your-a-first-year shopping spree for the extended family... ANY IDEAS?????????????

when it rains it tinkles

2007-05-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

//playing - "Lil Love" Bone Thugs N Harmony ft Mariah Carey & Bow Wow

1ts a love-hate relationship that they have...

well, actually, the older one loves/hates the baby, while the baby just sees the older one as a very fun playmate...

it's actually very cute to watch them play together... they have no blood between them, they just happen to live in the same house.. and the baby is very fond of his 'abang Farid', as he has cool stuff in his room.. ( ever seen a baby play with paintball gear and matches? =D ).. and even if the 'abang' wont admit to it, he has fun playing with the baby too, cause gives him an excuse for his childish behaviour =p =p

but Point Of Blog! a coupla days ago, the two boys were playing with each other, usual stuff u would expect from a 20year old playing with a two year old - tickling, throwing aforementioned two year old in the air, yelling when aforementioned two year old throws mobile phone across the room... the usual...

I was in the room, on the laptop, doing what i do online, and keeping an eye on the boyish shenanigans across the room, i.e, babysitting.. and then, while the baby was on his 'abang's shoulders, i hear the baby say "kamih?"........ a dreaded word to hear from the baby whos on your shoulders.. and of all the days Pampers breaks its trust of being the keeper of all babies' excretions, it had to be that day...

quickly, the baby was set down on the floor, but it was already too late.. there were wet stains on his 'abang's t shirt... hahahahahahahahahaha

i was doubling in laughter while the baby was whisked away by his mommy to change and the 'abang' went to bathroom to take a much needed shower =D

it was a funny funny funny funny day =D =D =D =D

Mohd Daniel Fitri a.k.a Adik

the two babies

baby love *LOL*

you lose control when you hold on too tight

2007-05-21T20:53:00.000+08:00

//playing "Hey There Delilah" - Plain White Ts

i think I'm mourning the loss of Frankie now =( he was sent to two different hospitals, and i had prayed that they could save him, but just last week, they told me he was unrepairable... that he needed a new.... motherboard ....

devastation hit me.. and then they shot me with the last piece of bad news.. in seven apologetic words, they killed me...

"Sorry, your harddrive couldn't be saved either..."

....... Frankie, R.I.P .....

ha ha, emo crap aside, yeah, pretty bummed that Frankie couldn't be saved.. apparently his motherboard is fried.. so sigh, there goes all my music, pictures, everything...

i guess the part where I'm most bummed is that i cant listen to my weird eclectic music in peace.. my ipod isn't updated, plus its gone wonky too, so that means i have to resort to downloading songs off Grumpy's laptop, and making my own playlists.. but i feel guilty whenever i see the pained look on his face when yet another punk-rock song comes on, so i surrender the Windows Media Player to his choice of music.. cause it IS HIS LAPTOP.. =(

my taste in music just can seem to compromise with his =(

speaking of music, last night i covered Charly to work the cloakroom for the "Nas" gig at the Great Hall in the Cardiff Student Union.. was my first time working a gig at the Great Hall, plus it was with Melina, so it was cool.. got my first Access All Areas pass, cause the security was pretty tight, due to the college shootings at the Pretty Ricky Concert in Loughborough University... they set up metal detectors that were set to 'maximum security level' so ANYTHING metal beeped.. so in came poor uni kids without belts on cause their belts had caused the detectors to go off..

and due to the high security measures, the concert was late to start.. which caused some people to be dissatisfied.. =s ... well, 30pounds for a 2hour show? yeah id be pissed too...

but thank god nothing major happened... and Melina, who had left early, was a sweetheart to call when i finished my shift to ask if everything was okay.. prolly thought i was shot =p hahaha

| do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?|

i think living in a foreign country, you are more likely to be influenced by external stimuli.. things that never used to bug you, or never used to get to you, once you are out of your comfort zone, you are more prone to take it to heart...

it takes character to stick to your principles when they are held at gunpoint... its easier to say "i would NEVER do that" when you're reading an article about another persons life-story, but when it happens to you yourself, would you do the same thing that you swore you would never do?

the other day, my principles were somewhat questioned, leaving me in a state of confusion on what to do... should i succumb to peer pressure, or stick to my beliefs?

in times like these, you need someone to hold up that mirror so you can take a good look at yourself.. i thank god that the one person that has never let me down in the past, did not let me down this time.. she reminded me of who i was, what i was capable of, and said all the right things that i needed to hear at that moment..

when the enemy is yourself, victory and failure has no relevance.

its one of those rare ones

2007-05-08T04:22:00.000+08:00

yeap. an update. its gna be short. cause i just feel like typing. i think this is fuelled by a recent conversation with one of my OLDEST friends, (note: OLDEST being how long ive known her, not how old she is =p).. and we were chatting away just as if we were on the phone. i guess there are things that never change. i was chatting with her about stuff that i realize i dont even talk about with the people who i spend a large amount of my daily time in cardiff. id like to say thats cause of the amount of time we've known each other. but yes. im glad nothings changed between me n u babe. straight to the point as usual.

another reason for this rare posting is because i miss alone time. ive been spending so much time either being with the significant other, or in the company of my crazy group of cardiff friends. dont get me wrong, i *heart* the silly little boy who does nothing but spoil me and layans my manjaness on a daily basis, but sometimes its good to be alone to just... do nothing...

my Media Comm seminar tutor once told us that shes gone through two whole weeks without speaking,texting,calling or have any contact with anyone. and she said it felt oddly satisfying.

i also have to add that i miss certain people in brunei. haha everyone saw that coming? course u did. and the food too haha. but i do very much miss my family. on a happier note, less than 6 weeks to touchdown in hometown. just have to go through exams.

fast machine gun update on the dramaqueens life. cause thats just the way she do what she do =)

not much drama =)

- came to cardiff having given a boy in brunei the status of boyfriend

- took away that status in less than a month of being abroad

- got used to the cardiff life with the help of Pinky Blue, awesome housemates in Senghennyydd and crazy brunei-cardiffians

- acquired current significant other before the start of the new year

- been content ever since (5months and counting =D)

- now an avid movie-goer through the abuse of a Cineworld Unlimited Card

- tried out lotsa new stuff, including snowboarding, skiing, moshing and cooking =p

- doing okay in the course, though admittedly can do much much better

- laptop got busted and after prolonged stints at numerous laptop hospital, has been pronounced irrepairable, and will therefore be main reason of not being online so much.

- still manage to become a crazy ebay-er

- bought a plane ticket home after working shifts at the cloakroom at the Cardiff Student Union.

- will be chilling in brunei 5days after the end of my exams.

haha, catch u then.

p.s want pictures?

Melina's Multiply
UmiEnvy's blog
UmiEnvy's Multiply
Santy's blog
Nisa's Multiply

testing

2006-11-29T07:24:00.000+08:00

cause im a Corporate Poser

2006-07-28T15:10:00.000+08:00

// playing - "Emergency" - by Paramore

there are all these signs that point to the suggestion that i should visit the house on Jalan 60, Simpang 49-7 (i think is the right simpang), the brown house with the basketball hoop and white couches... i wanted to the other day, but it was at a time when i knew noone was home, either at school or sending the kids to school... soon, i keep promising myself... soon.. just want to see how the family is... =)

today is the last day of a set of meetings that DST is hosting for all these TeleCompanies all around the world, at the Empire... my boss dragged me to join them to be Secretariat of the meetings. Officially, i'm to run around, armed with my laptop, scanner, printer and fax machine and do any paperwork that im asked to.. but UNofficially, im just sitting around, mooching off the wireless, getting to know delegates and using their room numbers to use the Empire Country Club facilities... so isalll gooooddddd.....

theres even a guy here called Lionel who works for Google, and he caught me using Yahoo Search and he said "yea i use Yahoo more than Google... you kinda get sick of the Google logo when you work there..." *lol*

im also getting bullied here by the local delegates cause most of them knows my mom, so theyre real friendly to me.. they're bullying me cause they think theres this particular delegate from Telekom Malaysia whos interested in me... i thought they were just bull-shitting... but........... *blushes*

ask me to tell u the whole story and maybe i will... *blush*

oh - A Is-Fae-Going-To-U.K-Or-Not-???? Update -

Ive received my offer letter from Cardiff Uni confirming my place, so with that letter, along with a Medical Letter from my clinic, i forwarded it to the Ministry of Education.. The Education Officer and I had a sit-down to discuss my next steps, and at the end of it, they passed me a Medical Check Form to fill out...

usually the Scholarship kids are given a whole pack of paperwork to go through, but Fae gets special treatment and 2mnths to sort out everything =p We decided to get the Medical Check over and done with first cause thats the only thing holding me back...

So for the third time in 18months, Fae has to do ANOTHER full blown Medical Check... My parents and also Melina are telling me to get it over and done with ASAP so i might do it NEXT saturday, which is an off-day for Fae.. but im scared to do it alone................. anyone wanna come with me to hold my hand..........?

If all goes well, my course will start on the 25th of September. I was planning to leave on the 20th September, just like last year, but my DST boss dropped a bombshell where she wants me to participate in this NATIONAL FORUM in September... and it isnt just a normal forum, Ministers and all the Big-Wigs of Communications all around Asia is coming in Brunei.. these are the people who are incharge of our Internet and Phone lines people =p

anyhow, this forum is gna be from the 18th to 21st of September, which sets my date of flight TENTATIVELY to the 23rd of September... the day before puasa yooooooo...... again, if all goes well... im gna be working up til the day before i leave, then ill just conk out on the plane haha...

xoxo "Ive seen you cry, way too many times, when you deserve to be alive"

cause im mainstream

2006-07-27T10:26:00.000+08:00

Faeskis quiz

hahaha dinner to the one who gets 100%.. cause ure my new best friend.. hahahaha

ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali ali

more than twenty times yo.. heheh hearts you

--------->>>>>>>>>> i have to shut up cause the next thing thats gna come outta my mouth is......... BEYYYYYYYYYYY..... hahahhahaha

update later... too hyper now...

flutterbeys in my tummey.

2006-07-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

i remember now.
this is how it feels.
i guess its been too long.
i guess i was so used to not looking for it.

spent so much time looking after myself
i forgot to keep an eye out for it.
and now its hard to ignore
when Cupid has his machine-gun aimed at you.

i remember now.
this is how it feels.
this is easy.
the easiest yet.
this is easy as lovers go.
why complicate it by hesitating?

i remember now.
this is how it feels.
the way his smile provokes a smile from me.
the way hes always on my mind
but it scares me that im always on his

only a handful knows how much i care for the boy.
only a handful knows the story
and how we ended up this way.
Sure, Cupid and Fate has shitty timing.

but as Z said.
"its about frickin time."

we're dancing a brilliant dance.
sidestepping in a full circle.
but when we stop,
the music wont.

ill still look into your eyes
and you'll still have that mischevious look
and ill fall for you all over again.
every day i fall for you harder and deeper.
and i dont want you to help me out.

so heres my heart,
for you to break or bury,
or wear as jewelry.
i wont sleep if you wont sleep.
but when i do, ill whisper your name.

when im around you,
breathing is a foreign task.
and thinking is just too much to ask.
and i never want the night to end.

one big hug.
one little kiss.
one short call.
one long text.
whatever you want just take it.

so please dont ask me what i like about you.
cause its every little thing you do.
thats just the way you make me feel.

*i think only little key knows how many different songs i hacked into this post. and Z, ill tell you when it happens.

dreamlover come rescue me

2006-05-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say

you meant anything different
To anyone

standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met

Look to the past
And remember and smile
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you

it kills me that thats all you'll ever be... my dream-lover... stop mind-stalking me damnit.

shift gears and race on

2006-05-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

FAE HOLMES MISSES ALI THE SUPREME!!!!

imma be your #1 groupie 4eva holmie!!

hahaha~

im gonna type this as fast i can cause i dont know when Ikrams gonna be back to get Parker off of me... hes over at his friends place and had just dropped off Parker an hour ago cause i needed a USB port to charge Phoebe with... cause Frankie is in the Laptop hospital and Fae NEEDS Phoebe tomoro...

why?

cause im going to SERIA!!!

DST Group Roadshow:

Date: 19th May 2006
Time: 08:00 a.m. to 05:00 p.m.
Location: The OGDC Seria

Don't miss this spectacular event. Join the fun and games with our "Host of the day" Dj Jenny of Kristal FM. Lots of cool prizes to be won too!

haha, i was only informed that my name was put in as a committee member TODAY, and the event is tomoro.. baik jua only jadi penyambut tetamu in the morning at the DST Web Portal and Website Launching, and a 'volunteer' for the DST Roadshow in the afternoon.. (meaning all i have to do is walk around with a DST Tshirt on and pretend i know what im talking about if someone asks me about mobilephones,PRIMA plans and EASI reregistration LOL)

since the committee members have a special bus to take us to OGDC, we all have to rendezvous at DST Headquarters in the morning... pukul berapa nah? 5.30am... oh my god~~ jadi zombie tah ku nie besok~

Mash is in K.B at the moment, training to be a mom, so i hope she stops by =)

theres been a dramatic change in routine nowadays.. im not going to bore you with the details, but May has shown to be a very unstable month, unlike March and April which were smooth sailing...

but then, when have i shunned change? "Life is random; Change is the only constant, so lets get down, and boogie~"

as usual, updates are gonna be dished out in rapid machine-gun fashion, so lets get it on~

Saturday 13th May 2006

No sooner than a few hours after i posted my last post (*liquid strength), i got a call from my friend, who told me in a deathly calm manner that she was gonna be flying off to Singapore the next day to undergo an operation that may or may not save a loved ones life... its not my business to go into detail, but the situation was so intense and worrying that it bordered on surreal. it felt like we were acting out a soap-opera...

i went to RIPAS that night to be there for her and a childhood friend, Fairuz, was there too.. in between the two of us, we cheered her up... we even joked on how cool we were, hanging out in the RIPAS hospital canteen on a saturday night.. hahaha sapa yang hang sana? mana ada kannnn?? mainstream hangout spots like CoffeeBean/Zone is SOOOO last season =p

Sunday 14th May 2006

i had a fitful nights sleep, and woke up at 7am (ON A SUNDAY MORNING) wound up tighter than a guitar string.. saja-saja, i asked my dad if i could take the car alone to go to the airport to send her off.. and he said "Agatah"!!!

just to make things clear, i have NEVER been let out driving all by myself by my parents for more than one stretch of highway at a time.. so him letting me have the car for the whole day was a pretty big milestone in the Teenage Life of Fae.. lol

and to commorate the historic event, i decided to kidnap someone =p note, it was 9am on a sunday morning.. i doubt that the birds were even awake yet... i called up Shairazi to let him know he was going to be picked up by a rookie driver in 20mins and zoomed off to Lambak to kidnap Shairazi...

you would think a rookie driver would drive cautiously slow on her maiden voyage? hell no, SPEED JUNKIE at 160kmph on the Muara-Tutong coastal highway babyyyyyy...

the day was then spent sending her off, shopping for clothes at the HuaHo Manggis Mall only to leave with a toothbrush and a Colgate baloon.. haha.. sent Shairazi back home safe and sound, and zoomed back (another 160kmph race) to jerudong in one piece =)

oh oh, watched Scary Movie 4 at Nazs place at night with Ikram,Mash and Naz... hahaha stupid movie...

Monday 15th May 2006

i pinjam-ed Babyfaye Freddie last saturday (details of that day WILL be posted SOON!)
and i missed Freddie.. plus Ikram wanted the last episodes of OTH Season3 which i had nicely downloaded for him on the office computer, so i needed Freddie to transfer the files...

so me and ikram decided to serbu Babyfayes workplace bearing gifts as paymnt for the safe return of Freddie, and the gifts were....................... DSTs Jacket Potato! haha a few of my frends have tried it out and i havent heard a single cmplaint yet.. so.....

unfortunately, noone anticipated the chain of events that lead to a container of potato salad dropping on the carpeted floor of Fayes office =s bu i must say, we cleaned up the crime scene pretty well... with a little bit of dishwashing liquid, half a box of tissues and a discreet trip to the outside trashcan, the office was just as usual (albeit with a hint of potato aroma)

when i got back to the office, fate put me in the same lift as "The Gentleman"... he looked a little kusut, so i asked him "Stressed nampak?".... and he answered in Perfect.and.fluent.english. Fae was so close to melting right then and there that it was a blessing the elevatr doors opened into my level... sigh~~

Tuesday 16th May 2006

i tried something new today.. =) i hope ill banish my thunder thighs by summer.. havent worked up a sweat in AGES.. but turns out im in pretty good shape... no muscle cramps no nothing... awesome =)

Wednesday 17th May 2006

the UBDians are having their 4-mnth semester break so a lot of them are looking for jobs to pas the time and earn money.. and in a span of two days, ive had three people texting me asking about openings and application forms at DST.. yea sure ill help u, but just dont xpect me to beg the Human Resource people to give u a job when all uve written in ure application form is your bare personal details..

had SUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII with a certain 'someone' who for his own safety will nt be named.. haha~ thanks for the treat buiii, sorry that the snails were NASTY...

"The Gentleman" always hangs out with this guy, who we will name Jay.. and weirdly enough, Jay has been approaching me.. a lotta girls think hes hot, and i agree, but thats just the extent of it.. and while we were talking, i oh-so-casually asked where "The Gentleman" was.. and Jay answered "keluar ia... jumpa girlfrennya macam biasa...."...

and u could hear Faes heart breaking into little teeny tiny pieces.....add my name to the list of the broken-hearted...............

hahaha dramatic much =p but i WAS pretty bummed to find out "The Gentleman" has a girlfren...

aite imma head to bed.. i have to wake up at 4am...

p.s, the line "the whole worlds against me, but still its all fair" was taken from a song.. and i hope its alright if i use it... its just a hella cool line =)

liquid strength

2006-05-13T12:43:00.000+08:00

If only strength could be liquidized, bottled, and distributed... Every individual reacts to different situations in different ways. Some might seem strong when faced with a certain situation, but breakdown completely when faced with another..

u can find strength in friends... a good friend said to me, when we were staring at the sky while the clock struck midnight and it was a new year, that if 2005 taught him anything, it was the true meaning of friendship. all the shit we had to go through, we went through it together.

each friendship has had their share of challenges. rise up and meet the challenge head on, or scurry away like chickens? ive seen my share of friendships breaking down, and my share of friends shining. and on Tuesday, im proud to say ive seen certain friends shine.

a very close friend of mine was in need of extensive emotional support, and i was proud of the certain individuals that dropped what they were doing to rush in her aid. yea sure, me and her havent had a proper conversation in months, but the strength of our friendship came flooding back as i was dialling her number from memory to ask what had happened.. it didnt matter that i was up to my eyeballs in work and i didnt bring the car that day.. did everything so i could be by her side in her time of need.. her family was like my own, her parents the sweetest people ive had the fortune of knowing.. seeing them all suffer was almost too much to bear...

Girl, its times like these that we (your friends) have no way in helping the situation, but we'll do what we do best.. and thats being your comic relief.. we hope we eased a little of the pain you feel by giving you chances to forget for a few moments and laugh at our lame jokes.. we hope our presence there reminded you that you are certainly not alone.. we'll help in any way we can.. you and your family will be in our prayers..

if strength was liquid, let us pour out a round, clink glasses and cheer... drink up guys, we're gonna need it.

on a lighter note, birthday shout out to

MAHMOUD SYAHEER HAJI YUSOFF
aka Syaheir

u dont look a day over 20 i tell u that.. hearts you sugar.. ill blog about LAST SATURDAY when i have the time yea? in the meantime, biar ia in my drafts folder =p

lets start a new journey (part-1)

2006-04-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

++ 50Cent feat. Olivia - "Best Friends"

Wahoooo BabyFaye made me a layout *GRINS WIDELY* . fits neatly into my plan on starting a new page of the current chapter in my life..

so this is my official thank you to Baby Faye - who is one of the coolEST and niceEST and MOST talented people that i have ever had the good fortune of meeting... love uuuuu

its odd, but after the DST Annual Dinner, i felt it was a good time to really take a good look at my lifestyle and habits and make a few changes.. certain changes are for the greater well-being of Fae (health,work-habits etc) , while others are just refreshing changes with no other reason than being the question of "Why not?"...

but before we can start a journey forwards, we have to make sure our shoelaes are tied up =p out with the old, in with the new.. there are a few outstanding debts owed to a few people, tangible or intangible, and im doing my hardest to clear these debts... funny thing is, Reza thinks these 'debts' are owed to 'Loan Sharks' hahaha

a whole week has passed and im still giddy... hyper, euphoric, cheerful, thrilled, upbeat, and other words that is in the thesaurus under the word "Happy"... i thought it was the afterglow of the DST dinner, but a week has passed and still i feel the same... methinks its the other extreme of PMS.. blame the hormones.. but whatever it is, i like feeling this way, wakin up with a smile..

Monday 24th April 2006

on Monday morning, my dad came in my room saying "barutah kan nampak!", meaning he hasnt seen me in a long time.. he was in KL from Sunday 15th to Thursday 20th April, and what with me being busy with rehersals and him working all of Sunday 23rd, we only saw each other on Monday..

and he had a present for me!

wheeeeee Daddy bought me a 30GB Harddisk in KL! and since i told him i wanted to pay him back, he told me that he bargained it to RM60.. a 30GB Sony VIO Harddisk for BND$30!! heee..

i asked my friends for suggestions on what to name my new toy, and Toby suggested "Freddie", so ta-daa meet Freddie! (to be honest i wanted to name it Tobey after Toby, but dont tell Toby that)

at night, Abang texted from the hostel saying that he wanted to be picked up... and since my parents were busy, they told me to go pick abang up.. usually i bring Nana along with me, but this time i felt like going alone...

driving alone on the Jerudong highway reminded me of a certain someone who's image i've kept at the back of my mind... and racing down the highway, i thought of the talks we've had in the car, going down the same highway.. i missed him, and i didnt want to admit it, and i wasn't totally over him.. and a Dewa song started playing on the stereo, from one of my brothers CDs, and since i was alone, i started singing along..

Dewa - "Larut"

Mungkin aku pernah juga merasakan cinta
Tapi tak pernah seindah ini
Mungkin aku juga pernah merasakan rindu
Tapi tak pernah sedalam ini

Mungkin kamu takkan pernah percaya
Bahwa sesungguhnya Aku telah terjatuh

Kuakui aku telah jatuh
Larut ke dalam, kamu, yang ku cintai

apparently 'larut' means dissolve or something.. like falling hard..

when i came to UBD, abang texted saying to give him a few more minutes, so i drove to the UBD TAIB ATM to check my balance.. $4.83 =) coolbeans

Shairazi had texted earlier asking if the gang was up for a night out, so while waiting for Abang, i called him up.. he was like "Where you at?" and i said "UBD" and he yelled "What the hell are u doing at UBD at night???" hahahah true, last place Fae would be at night =p

Tuesday 25th April 2006

i woke up feeling like i wanted to skip work, so i texted my boss saying that i felt unwell (lie lie lie) and went back to bed.

Mashes picked me up at 10.30 and we went to the Standard Chartered ATM at HuaHo Sengkurong, and of all the people to bump into, we bumped into Ikram who was shopping with his mom.. he was so shocked to see Mash that Mash burst out laughing (i was in the car).. LOL..

then after confirming plans to meet up in UBD later on (while Mash was gonna have a Japanese Oral exam, me Shai and Ikram would be hanging around UBD), Mash and i went to the TAIB ATM so that Fae could check if her pay was out...

=) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

off me and Mash went to the nearest hair salon for some beautifying therapy for Mash.. hehe as a bday present, Fae lanja-ed Mash the hair therapy session.. we rushed to UBD after numerous texts and misscalls from ShaIkram...

Mash was so late for her Japanese Oral that she told me to park the car while she jumped out and ran to her class.. Fae nervous parking kereta Mash =s

met ShaIkram at the CLT and hung around by watching videos on Frankie and messing about with Freddie

ShaIkram watching Russell Peters

Fathul LYP lookin' cute with short hair and ShaIkram

when Mash FINALLY joined us, we were STARVING so rushed in three seperate cars off to Matadoe... in our quest to imitate F1 racers and dancing along to "BEEP!" by the Pussycat Dolls, Mash and I nearly crashed into a truck that veered suddenly into our lane... and if Shai hadnt swerved away, there would have been a pile-up as we braked so suddenly.. and then we had a glimpse of Shai's road rage...

what did we learn from that kids?
1) NEVER race with Shairazi (i learnt that after i crashed the go-cart at JP cause i was racing with Shai)
2) DO NOT tailgate people
3) Look out for trucks which have identity crisis' and thinks they're small Smart cars thus its okay for them to suddenly veer in ure lane

arrived at Matadoes safely, and ordered before we passed out from excitement and starvation...
Ikram was supposed to stalk me for the day because it was Payday, but we pointed out that he must be a hell of a high-class stalker to have a meal with the person ure stalking =) try harder Ikram!

after that VERY late lunch, Mash and i picked Iqbal up and went to Hua Ho Mall to have a lil look-see at office clothes for Fae.. and there was this GORGEOUS jacket that ive had my eye on since forever.. Mash belikan?

Wednesday 26th April 2006

i think me and Ikram have a psychic connection cause something freaky happened... the night before, i was chatting with Syaheir and the topic of Fratinis pizza came up, making me hungry for pizza the next day, so i thought of bringing Ikram to share a pizza.. then he misscalls! turns out he was thinking of Fratinis too!

then we brainstorm to crash Mashes place at lunchtime and have a spontaneous pizza party.. so with Mashes presents in the back seat, and two steaming pizzas in takeaway Fratinis boxes, we crash Mashes place, followed shortly by Shai.. another session with MaShaIkram...

pizzaaaaa

Mash and Hummer

Shai and Ephelant

Ikram and his pals, Hummer and Tomato

dont eat Tomato Ikram!!

ikram "okay fiiine i wont eat him"

now Ikram and Tomato are friends..

the Santa is sitting on Shais lap.. hahaha terbalik

i feel pretty...oh so pretty....

and i was late for work layaning these people hahaha.. but then me and ikram were rushing the whole lunchtime so whats another 2-minute dash from Lambak to DST riiite?

and my excuse when my boss asked why i was late?
"di bank banyak orang.. maklumlah.. gaji kerajaan keluar"
yeap yeap, blame the government for everything

----------FEBRUARY BABY --------------------
1. Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. (true)
2. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. (changing personality?maybe..)
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. (wahahaha NOOOO)
3. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. (how can i be temperamental AND shy?)
4. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. (honest... err open for debate)
5. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. (true,just ask the M.D admin lol)
6. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. (apakan contradicting jua eh)
7. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. (nope, patient person)
8. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. (nyeh)
9. Horny. Daring and stubborn. (hahahaha)
10. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. (not that ambitious)
11. Loves entertainment and leisure. (who doesnt??)
12. Romantic on the inside not outside. (uhh-huhh)
13. Superstitious and ludicrous. (no im not supersticious!)
14. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. (how can i be spendthrift but dislike unnecessary things??)

aku sayang si Yani.. ia buat kan testimonial yang rockin' berabis

"Fae...A name that I feel has 'haunted' me for 5 years. A name I have associated various profiles to. and only until recently have realised that I am wasting my time trying to describe this person. So what am I trying to do now?! LoL. If there is anything I can say about this remarkable woman is that she is 1) Fun to hang out with, though as she says in her profile, "you have been warned" I shall say no more. 2) Funny. for whatever reason, she has sense of humour that makes u believe that a lot of tears n drama actually makes u funnier. (n then u, or at least i, realise no..ure born with it or without) 3) Strong. and i mean that in any sense of the word. she can pinch like a crab. she can stand alone. she can kick ur ass!!! 4) A loyal friend. nuf sed 5) a thirst for life 6) a magnet that thinks its facing the right pole to repel things, but realises a little too late that she's facing the 'attract' pole 7) misunderstood, unappreciated and under estimated 8) too far away from her friends "

wooooo.. hehe much love!.. doing a lil self-evaluation...nice to know u have frens that think ure cool =)

ill update more soon yes? in the meantime, im gna buy Phoebe off of Syaheir and sending Frankie to the shop to be reformatted..

malam pesta muda mudi

2006-04-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

so after a month of night rehersals, frustrations, laughs, and complicating dance steps, last night me and 5 other girls and 5 other guys (including my MD homeboy Muaz Danuarta) performed for the DST 11th Annual Dinner... the theme was Swinging 60s Night, so we performed 5 60s malay oldies..

Thursday 20th April 2006

the venue for the dinner was the HuaHo Mall Ballroom and the stage was smaller than expected..on Thursday was our first dress rehersal, and i was dancing in really HIGH heels and found out the hard way that u cannot do the Twist in high heels on carpeted floor.. and it was also the first time we had the In-House band with us, playing live (cause we were backup dancers for the performing band) and since we were used to dancing to a cd, the band, with its live sound and crap drumming made our dance all messed up..

plus, at the last minute, our chereographer, Roslan, was told by the Organizing Committee that we had to dance to an extra song, sung by one of the Kristal Kids Idol winners.. uhhh, its two days to showtime and u want us to learn a whole new dance??

Friday 21st April

so on Friday, the day before the show, us dancers skipped work to go back to the HuaHo Mall Ballroom to get used to the surroundings,music and i was roped in to be in the new dance.. last minute not gooooddd..

Fae and Muaz "hmmmm how are we gonna do this..."

we ended afternoon rehersals at 5pm and was told to be back by 7pm.. so i followed my friend Lela home, as she lived just a stones throw away from the HuaHo Mall.. and she has so many nephews and nieces!!! kiut lagi semua tuuu!

baby Nabil who had learnt to walk THAT day, the day i was there, so everyone was pretty excited.. heehee =)

we went back to the HuaHo Mall and Roslan lanja-ed us Nasi Ayam, which we ended up eating on the Ballroom balcony

can u see us? can u see us?

Muazs version of an angel..the rehersals ended LATE.. so late that half of us was on the floor wanting to curl up and sleep

Saturday 22nd April 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASHES!!

best picture of you i could find LOL

went to work carrying both costumes and as expected got barraged my questions in the lift.. "the Gentleman" was in the same lift so malu si fae jawab all the questions.. just short answers coming out of a blushing face... and "the Gentleman" kept smiling at me.. *sigh* killer smile..

at 9am, me and one of the guy dancers Zuden ditched work to go to the Hua Ho Mall, even tho we were supposed to have rehersals at 10am.. rasa kan skip work wahhh..

at 12pm, Ikram picked me up and we zoomed off to gadong to meet up with Mash Naz and Shai.. it was POURING, and we were getting ready to dash from the car to the walkway when Shai's green pajero stopped in front of us, carrying Mash and Naz in the backseat, so me and ikram jumped in and we all just parked and goofed around.. Shai left after 15mins and the rest of us warmed up in McDs with fries =) and Mash lanja me Funboy.. wheeee

at 2.30pm me and ikram left Naz and Mash to go to MasHes place so Ikram could take a short nap and i could take a shower.. at 3pm, he sent me to Roslans Salon to be made up..

and thats when the magic started =)

they spent so long on my eyes i nearly fell asleep since i had my eyes closed so long.. and yes those are fake eyelashes

haha, i was wondering what the hell he was doing to my hair.. he was POOF-ing it up..

Muaz under the makeup brush!

one of the Make up artists - Ka Watie's son.. cute as hell and kept playing with the water hose at the place where they wash customers hair..

end products?

Fae and Amal

Hajah, Fad and Muaz hamming it for the camera

Fae and Liyana

do u see the big hair??? methinks the hairdressers used half a can of hairspray on each of us!! heeeheee as soon as we were ready, jetted to Hua Ho Mall

L-R: Lela, Fad, Liyana, Hajah and Muaz

me and Amal in our costumes for the Opening Performance

me and Ham a.k.a "Romi"

Fizah,Fae, and Amal

we were so nervous backstage that we took zillions of pictures using each others camera phones.. and when we first saw Ham come in with makeup on he looked so different that Fad decided to tease him by flirting with him.. it escalated to a 60s style drama where Ham was "Romi,hero yang di-rebuti", Fad was the "Mak Minah Cabaret" that was after "Romi" and Fizah was the "Perempuan Dapur" who "Romi" was actually in love with.. funny shit it was... LOL

the performances itself were funny too, what with certain wardrobe malfunctions, for e.g one of the guy dancers were given pants which were too tight for him.. and to add insult to injury, the material looked like it was made out of shiny leather.. eeek.. and during one of the performances. Hajahs slipper came off, so she had to do a smooth lil two-step to get it back on.. haha.. and i kept tripping over my flares..

doesnt it SOOO look like Shakira's "Hips Dont Lie" Skirt? i ADORED this skirt!! it was for my second performance..

the dinner itself was a blur.. but i remember lots of camera flashes, people not recognizing me, and very yummy food.. i remember screaming in relief with the girls backstage after the Closing performance.. i remember not winning anything for the lucky draw but ecstatic for my friend Asrul who won an iBook and it was also his birthday that day..

for one night, we were made-up, we were beautiful, we were the centre of attention... but the night ended, and we all went home reliving the fantasy that became a reality =) and after a good shampoo-ing and lots of facial cleansing to get the hairspray and makeup off, we were ourselves again..

Hajah, Fae, Fad, Liyana and Lela - DST's Cabaret Girls heehee

photo album

2006-04-11T13:22:00.000+08:00

why oh why?

behind the mask

2006-04-09T13:37:00.000+08:00

off day yesterday =) it felt great to just SLEEP in and bang the alarm to quieten when on normal days id have to heed its shrill warning that im gna be late for work if i dont get a move on.. Off days on a saturday are especially awesome cause noone else is home (being at work or school) so noone can wake me up by yelling for me to do chores or what-not..

but yesterday decided to do a little bit of laundry, so trudged down, with the stereo on full volume (another perk of being home alone) and loaded the washing machine.. and two hours later, i learnt that the time on the washing machine and real-time does NOT match!! the number "2" on the washing machine does not mean 2minutes... so because of disagreements of time between me and the washing machine, Ikram was forced to wait in the car for an extra 10min when he came to pick me up heehee.. sorry dude~

the day was thus spent going around around around the gadong area looking for ingriedients and other stuff.. [details at Mashes Blog] what Mash dint mention was when she went off to her class, we kidnapped Nazmi and brought him ingriedient shopping with us.. Ikram was in a lagging mood so he kept taking wrong turns haha.. Naz was a victim of the indecisiveness thats ALWAYS there when Ikram and Fae go out.. hehe sorry Naz!

later that night, the late supper was a success, and watching "V for Vendetta" on a bad DVD made me so engrossed in trying to catch everything he said that my Fettucini Carbonara became cold.. and it didnt help that the English subtitles were crap..

A movie about England under a dictatorship.. hella cool.. the main character "V" mentioned some Latin phrases that i KNEW i knew, but didnt remember the english translation.. so googled it when i got home =)

mea culpa - through my fault

remind me to buy the original DVD of "V for Vendetta".. the mask scared the bejeesus outta me that i dreamt the mask was haunting me.. but instead of straight black hair like V, this one had red curls... heehee.. my nightmares are weird..

my shopping list is growing.. and for those of you i havent gotten the chance to tell yet, i was recently promoted at work.. now a certified permanent DST worker, - at 19 haha..(can u believe im the youngest permanent worker they've ever had? hella cool)... but being a permanent worker,ignoring the benefits (and there are a LOT of benefits), i am obligated to come to the DST Annual Dinner,or id have to pay nearly $100 for not showing up.. and the annual dinner is on Mashes bday.. i hope Mash has a test or something that night so she wont make any bday plans hehehe jahat wah (SORRY MASHES!)

the "times-two" payrise is really gonna help contribute to the "Dont-Let-Fae-Starve-In-UK" fund.. but there are still some debts to clear, and some necissities that i need to spend on at the moment..

i wish Melina was here because shes awesome to have around while gadget shopping.. i need to buy a decent digital camera, and an external harddisk for Frankie.. i have to send him to be re-formatted so i need a place to dump my 10GB of songs.. argh... and im torn between buying an iPod Nano or a Zen as an mp3player cause i plan to do a lot of travelling in the UK and i HATE public transportation without music.. i even hate walking/jogging without being plugged into an mp3 player... but if i buy an iPod Nano, CERTAIN people will think im copying them =p

so anyone who can give me info abt bargains concerning 10-20GB external hardisks, DigiCams or mp3 players, mucho appreciated.. muchas gracias

and Toby is leaving for Korea on the 22nd.. and straight to U.K in september to study..i dont know how i feel about that........

a few days ago, my screen nick was "fake fake fake fake fake you F**KING FAKE*... i was angry at a certain person who is always a walking contradiction... some people call her a hypocrite, the more nicer ones call her unpredictable;inconsistent..

im sick of her hiding behind her numerous masks.. people expect her to act a certain way, and sometimes she does act that way, sometimes she suprises people by doing the opposite.. i can never predict her next move, shes too impulsive, but sometimes shes manipulative and plays her cards just right while using everyone as pawns..

id like to think that shes a good person, but there are certain times when she just disappoints me.. how many times has she hurt the people around her? the ones that have done nothing but be good to her..

i want to cut her off, but shes a big part of me.. everytime i look in the mirror, she has a different mask on...

pseudo-boyfriend

2006-04-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

it all started with an innocent question... i asked him if he had a girlfriend, and in one smooth move, he threw back the question "why? do you wanna be my girlfriend?"... haha and why not? so thats how i became Syaheir's 'girlfriend'...

so from then on,every msn conversation opens with a "hey baby" or something similar, followed by a laugh... even at the M.D Prom, we said hi by saying "heyyyy here's my girlfriend/boyfriend" (which i might add, earned me dagger-looks from a couple of girls who was obviously eyeing my 'boyfriend')

this type of relationship is what i love to call "pseudo-couples"... two people getting together purely on a joke basis, pretending to be all lovey-dovey and have tons of laughs poking fun at how real couples act and talk...

i've had so many "pseudo-boyfriends" that one best friend commented that if they were all real boyfriends id be a certified player =)

but i have to admit having a "pseudo boyfriend" takes a lot of peer pressure off of you... ive scared off certain guys who previously couldnt take 'no' for an answer by putting Syaheirs picture as my display picture.. hahaha...

weirdly enough ive always liked the guy =p hahaha i remember back in M.D when i was talking to Babyfaye, and he walked past,saying hi to babyfaye, and when he was gone i was mouthing to babyfaye"KIUT JUAAAA?".. and babyfaye says indifferently "yea he is cute, thats syaheir for you"...

and during my Hari Raya open house, Babyfaye brought him along, and he was weirdly excited abt the satay.. =s

and of all the places to bump into him, was in DST reception hall,because he had an interview scheduled.. and he hurriedly told me that his chin was all scabby cause he had an accident with a tub of hot wax... something about him being the guinea pig/model for his sister who was taking a beauty exam, and part of it was for him to have a wax job done, and instead of cold wax, they put hot wax on him.. hahahaha

at the beginning of the year finally got a hold of his email, and started to chat to him, only to find out hes every bit as crazy like Babyfaye.. charming and witty too, but no way modest about it. =p

me and babyfaye are currently making plans for all three of us being in the same flight to the UK..

Flight to United Kingdom = 18 hours
Faye + Fae = [Fa(y)e X 2]
18hours of [Fa(y)e X 2] + Syaheir = headache for everyone around us

so this post is dedicated to my hottie of a 'boyfriend' - Syaheir -

and since you're gna give me candy for everytime i mention your name, here goes..

Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir
Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir
Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir
Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir
Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir
Syaheir Syaheir Syaheir

38 times Sugar =p

unconditional friendship

2006-03-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO BABYFAYE!!!!

i guess friendship is kinda like gambling, you give all you got, throw the dice, and pray it lands so that you get rewards. but more often than not, you dont get what you give...

a friend has taught me that friendship is unconditional.. you give and give, and it wont matter if u get rewards back... thats real friendship... you dont do favours or good deeds just to expect something back... its not a "you give me advice today, and i'll lend you my shirt tomoro" kinda thing...

yea i get that.. unconditional friendship.. but theres a line between unconditional friendship and downright un-appreciation... when you're picked up when needed and put down when you've done your job.. i'm not your therapist. im your friend. dont ask so much from me and when stuff goes wrong blame ME for it, when all i did was give you ADVICE, not ORDER you how to live your life..

dont get me wrong, i'm here for all my friends, but when you DRAG me down with your goddamn drama (that, i shud note, could have been avoided if u had used your goddamn BRAIN) when i have my own stuff to sort out, and then be all M.I.A when i need an ear to unload on, thats just messed up man...

okay, that off my shoulders, guess what i did today?

i was in a seething mood, so i needed to get rid of some excess energy. i cleaned my room, then went down to get an orange.. i opened the fridge and suddenly had the urge to clean it out =P so i decided, hell why not, lets clean the fridge...

found a lot of funny stuff..

Himalayan Goji juice WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????

yes Mash, the same Peach Cobbler Baby food... try n count how many months its been in the fridge.. *throws it out*

On Friday, one of my colleagues, Ka Asrina, had her Nikah function, so my whole unit played hooky from work and went over to her place, all decked out in our finest bajus, to give support to anther who was gna join the Wives Club.. hehehe she looked pretty all decked in white but sayang i tak ambil gambar..

My sayangs in DST, Myrna and Qis

after Ka As' nikah, Mashes picked me up and we started jetting to and fro jerudong and lambak.. i think in one night we went to and fro 4 times... haha, we were shopping for her nephew, Hamiz's birthday present, and i kept seeing Pink Panther dolls everywhere... i had a feeling that i was gonna meet someone that night.. and half an hour later, we met Kelvin,and he was with the twins - Liyana and Diyana who were in Ugama with me.. it was awesome cause we remembered each other, after all those years... and weirdly enough i never had any problem telling them apart...

nah MD Prom pictures..

ill resizze them nanti. cause, my god, its 4am.

++ no, i havent told anyone about you. they wouldnt believe me anyway.... maybe this distance will help erase your image from my mind.

back on track

2006-03-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

god knows Life has given me so much to blog about that i dont blog at all... haha this post is going to be rambling so leave now if u want to.

syukur alhamdullilah march has been a very progressive month. in the beginning of the month i snt in my UCAS form, and had a nerve wracking appointment with my doctor. Good news was dished out, and a medical letter was issued blessing me to be "Asymptomatic"

a·symp·to·mat·ic ( P ) Pronunciation Key (smp-t-mtk)
adj.
Neither causing nor exhibiting symptoms of disease

a·symp·to·mat·ic (smp-t-mtk)
adj.
Neither causing nor exhibiting symptoms of disease

A visit to the Ministry of Education yielded happy results too, the two conditions that they laid down suddenly seemed within reach... one was already in my grasp; the medical letter, while the other condition was an offer from a University...

checked my UCAS (only babyfaye and syaima know what ACTUALLY HAPPENED that night) and what do i see?

Cardiff University - P900 - UNCONDITIONAL

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hahaha now to wait for the official offer letter, and to pass both letters to the M.O.E.... i hope everything goes smoothly....

Frankie keeps being infected... i had to send him to the computer workshop to fix his bluetooth... maybe its all the bluetoothing of songs to the phone =) or the fact that i keep dropping frankie...

i listen to mostly hip-hop schtuff now, to avoid spiralling into emo moods... its hard to feel Emo when ure listening to lyrics like "im in love with a stripper~~" or "you gotta big heart but im looking at your *beep*" hahaha i blame Qis for leting me upload her brothers 200 hiphop songs from his mp4 player... ive nearly memorized the Chris Brown and Bow Wow albums now thanks to Qis' brother...

for kicks i typed in the word "playa" in the Limewire search engine, and among the usual Hiphop songs, i found :- "Dont Wanna Be A Playa":- INCUBUS feat Big Pun... i was like, WHAT THE HELL, INCUBUS AND BIG PUN?? turned out to be a SCHWEEETTT song... just like the Linkin Park collabo with Jay-Z.. rock and hiphop!!! so compromise for fae =)

since we're on the topic of music, been bouncing around ideas for lyrics to a friends song.. the hard part is that its supposed to be rap lyrics.. rusty... but the topic under discussion is cool =) dont wanna say just yet..

ive also gotten hold of an audio clip of my friend singing a song to her boyfriend.. she has such a beautiful voice.. raw talent, but awesome nonetheless... the song was so sad, i nearly teared up, so instead i just grabbed the guitar and tried out some guitar chords to the song... but it sounded horrible (long nails and plucking on the guitar is a no-no)... maybe ill do a rough edit of the audio clip with the help of some of the LYP people...

my bank balance is zero and wallet is empty, literally not even a dime to my name, but weirdly enough i dont really mind... usually i'll go crazy having no money, but i realized its a good reason to lay low for a few...

but then free meals are coming my way =) on Tuesday, my Head of Unit invited the whole unit to her house because her maLaysian mother, who was visitng from K.L, was cooking a full malaysian meal... all of it was DAMN SPICY, tapi si Fae inda kira, NYAMAN!!!

the prince owes me a sushi date, and Raeky and Riduan wants to bring me out for a movie before Riduan leaves for UK.. and some of my colleagues are gna be celebrating their birthdays soon, so more free food =)

the reason for my being broke is the non-stop shopping sprees with MaShaIkram... new phone, new kicks, prom prom prom~~

in a nut shell last two weeks was a whirlwind of activity. Shopping sprees, STPRI-SOAS prom, two nights of six-star luxury at empire with Mash and family, meeting up with Sham, who came back from Korea, crashing the Maktab Duli Prom, dance rehersals for the DT annual dinner, drama drama drama that we had to spectate...

peppered in between these memorable moments i watched Nip/Tuck on DVDs, which is about the lives of these two plastic surgeons... AWESOME stuff.. thin line between "getting work done" and unrealistic exppectations... there was a scene where this guy was so power hungry he traded his girlfriend for a Lambourghini... haha..

its 2am, im going to bed.

++ to R.J:-

you dont know it, but Friendship and Cupid have been fighting for my heart to give to you. Cupid reaps happier rewards, but Friendship takes better care of hearts. i know you wouldn't believe me if i told you this, but i've fallen for you.. i'm not going to act on these feelings, because that will just be wrong. ill just bottle up these feelings and throw it out to sea... let them float away, and not hurt anyone who we're close to.

Goodnight you.

memories etched in stone

2006-03-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

my legs ache. my body is exhausted. muscles crave rest, tendons sore. but my mind is sharp, and thoughts never stop forming.

today i helped out Ikram and his friend Carol take photographs and videos at the "P.T.E Class of '78 Reunion" at the Maktab Duli Auditorium. Carol's mom is in the organizing committee and they felt they should have extra photographers going around recording this memorable event thus Ikram, Carol, their friend Mamat and myself were recruited.

Filming the function, felt like looking through the lens of nostalgia. The four of us were'nt a part of the memories that unfolded, but we were allowed to peek in. Wrinkled faces smiled at the sight of old friends, laughter rang at the reminders of years long gone. The sight of happiness in their weathered faces, showed me that memories truly are forever cherished, and friendships can last over decades. I watched through the rectangular 4-megapixel screen as for one afternoon, these men and women were unburdened of their day to day responsibilities, and were allowed to be carefree again. Just like they were in 1978.

There was one part of the function where they read the Surah Al-Fatihah for the members of Class '78 who had passed away. One name was read out, and the whole auditorium burst into hushed murmurs. I looked questioningly at my crew. and it hit me, these people didnt know that the person who's name was now potrayed on the overhead projector screen was now deceased. Further prodings revealed he was a well-liked man in their school days, and it was a sad shock to know that he has returned to Him.

How would we react if we were in these peoples shoes? Someone who you havent contacted in over 20 years, and you found out hes now gone. How fragile Life is.

Though we were on our feet for the most of six hours, the thousands of smiles we managed to record was worth the ache.

I interviewed some of the men and women present, asking them things like their fondest memories, who was the class clown, did they have crushes back in the day. When Carol, Ikram, Nobel, Carols mom and i were back in Carols house watching the footage that we taped, Carol's mom commented that i should work in Media, apparently because I did a good job interviewing.

I logged into UCAS when i got back home, to check the status of my University applications.. no answers yet..

i WANT to do Media, i WANT to do Journalism..i WANT to be taught how to proof-read articles, to design a magazine cover, to edit video footage. but i HAVE a scholarship in Communication Studies, i APPLIED for Communication courses, I NEED a degree in something that is NOT limited to Journalism.

Our wants and needs are never the same. But if we're lucky, Life will present us with a compromise. And if we're smart, we take it with a smile.

[... i whispered in your ear, but you didnt hear the three words i said... ]

pretty maids all in a row

2006-03-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday,Wednesday the 1st of March, Fae, Qis and Nurul, armed with two badminton rackets, sneaked into the DST Sports Hall after work and played badminton.

Fae against Nurul, the handalest

Qis having fun with her camera

Fae "Chuuup baaaa"

Nurul laughing at how crap and crazy Qis and Fae were

In a moment of boredom, two little girls found the joys of a camera phone.

Nana - "Aliya, Smile!"

Aliya starts getting the hang of it

Aliya - " Hey this isnt so hard"

Aliya - "Waheyyy this is fun!"

Kiss Goodbye!!!

Should i name my first daughter Aliya? cana alee? hehehe~~

choreographed umbrella twirling

2006-02-24T01:19:00.000+08:00

well that was FUN!! XD

ill post pictures up soon..

tapi kalau kamu rajin, nah

www.nationalday.org.bn

tapi mana kamu rajin kan? haha

You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to fall
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself.

Cause now that I can see you,
I don't think you're worth a second glance.

So much for all the promises you made, they served you well
and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
so much for, so much more

five points on who im talking about. lets just move along shall we?

DST represent!!

2006-02-22T20:55:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the National Day Celebration!!! hahah i am oddly hyper about it... the people who are representing DST are being given so much merchandise with the DST Group logo on it i feel like a constant advertising space =) but its all good cause, DST REPRESENT!!

on Monday morning, we were having National Day Practise in the DST Sorts Hall and we ended around 10.30am, and our supervisor said he had a 'present' for us... we were each handed a little card and it was a voucher for *DRUM ROLLLLLLLL* SHOES!!!!!!

hahaha yeap, DST has sponsored each of us a pair of shoes~~~ just when i was having a craving for new kicks =p =p

so 10 of us DST staff people, including me, plus my little sister,Nana, kidnapped a DST driver, hijacked a company van and left the Headquarters to go to Gadong and ambush the indians at Mufakat Sports store LOL..

we all left the store an hour later hugging shoeboxes =) too bad the store didnt carry Nikes or Adidas' in my size.. kalau inda........... hehehe... settle for white and baby-blue tennis shoes that look like futsal shoes saja...

so i get free shoes, thats reason enough to be enthusiastic about National Day right??? next on my list is the brown and purple Vans =) =)

AND FRANKIE IS CURED!!!

wooohooo~~~ for a few weeks he has been lagging as hell, and i found out he had some worms in him.. and whenever i tried to delete them it kept coming back... Ikram suggested i send Frankie to be re-formatted but i refused.. its SUICIDE!! id have to back up the 8GB of music files and the 1GB of Nanas pictures.. (haha wish i could say i was kidding) .. then Hakim recommended i run a scan through it and WAAAAAHHHEEEEYYY FRANKIE IS DIS-INFECTED...

i guess thats what you get when u un-install Norton Anti-Virus... =)

Gaboo Air

2006-02-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

its midnight.

came home from Miri at 8.30pm, and crashed on the couch, woke up at 9.59pm cause i set the alarm so id wake up at 10pm to go online cause i got a text from SOMEONE saying he needed someone to talk to... so all sleepy,groggy and blur, Fae goes on MSN to chat to him...and after attempting to cheer him up for a 15mins he suddenly dissapears... both his status and his girlfriend's status suddenly turns into "AWAY" mode.... hmmmmmmm... *LOL*

so you only need me when noone else is there hrm? =p

so while waiting for when im needed again, i blog-hopped and chatted with Fathul and Faez.. oh wait, cross Faez, he just logged off..

i just went on Ali's blog and read his post about his report... damn that must be crushing... on a normal day when Ali's ego is sky-high, he would never admit that hes been studying, prolly just say hes been chilling, but when he says hes been studying, i bet hes studied his ass off..

To Ali:- Jangan risau Ali, your full potential will shine out soon =) i want to see you get Senior First Officer in under three years man... then Captaincy terus... i bet u they gave u a grade 4 sebab tulisan Ali masih macam kanak kanak... cuba try cursive, terus jadi Grade 1 tuuuu =) i know you'll make us proud; heck we already are =)

i blog-hopped some more, and found Azim's blog and Zahir's livejournal.. i miss Shitload.. u actually learnt a lot from it.. never ceased to amaze me the shit these guys can find on the Internet.. im malas to plug them in, so just go to Cyde-Ones blog for their links..

HOLY SHIT, the swirly just fell!!! ahahahahaha SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME.. when i say 'swirly' i mean the Room Decoration that one of my best friends gave me, that i hung up when i was in that weird 're-decorating of my room' phase... anyhoo, the string snapped and it fell, made such a loud crash it scared the living daylights outta me cause i thought it was the ceiling fan that fell... hahaha baik jua i wasnt standing anywhere under it..

where was i? oh i was gna paste up a conversation that cheered me up.. i was kinda feeling down cause i was chatting withsome over-seas buddies and they were telling me about the fun they had with each other when they met up.. and they also went to the All American Rejects concert in London.. effing, i liked AAR even before anyone knew about them! and they get to see them live before me.. no faiw..

oh yea, the conversation :-

maginative peace says:
bah bila fae ke london ani kan
//frankie// says:
ariatu flight delay!!
imaginative peace says:
faez sama kel tunggu udah tu
imaginative peace says:
di heathrow
imaginative peace says:
nantitah ill get u a private jet
imaginative peace says:
coz fae has got to come here
imaginative peace says:
no excuses
imaginative peace says:
so if a private jet costs a million bucks
imaginative peace says:
and my allowance is 500 a month
imaginative peace says:
i wud be in loan for about..
imaginative peace says:
most of my lifetime
//frankie// says:
...............
imaginative peace says:
but its ok
//frankie// says:
how about THE REST of ure lifetime
imaginative peace says:
the rest of my lifetime is spent on kicks lah
imaginative peace says:
yknow i gotta stay fresh like dat
imaginative peace says:
bah faez sama si kel ikut private jet atu with ali flying it
//frankie// says:
hahaha BAH
//frankie// says:
tapi si fae mesti have the master bedroom at the back ah
//frankie// says:
kamu the spare room aja
imaginative peace says:
hahah mestilah, fae queen gaboo
imaginative peace says:
oh oh
imaginative peace says:
we'll name the plane, Gaboo Air
imaginative peace says:
yes!
//frankie// says:
OMG
//frankie// says:
hahahahhahahaha
imaginative peace says:
dats so cool
//frankie// says:
awesomeeeee
//frankie// says:
"this is your pilot Ali speaking, and thank you for flying Gaboo Air"
//frankie// says:
omg omg
/frankie// says:
hahahhaha
imaginative peace says:
hahah
imaginative peace says:
we'll be arrivin in heathrow shortly
//frankie// says:
so Kel and faez jadi stewards cause dorang pretty boys~~~
imaginative peace says:
hahah
imaginative peace says:
wutever u say
imaginative peace says:
"peanuts miss?"
//frankie// says:
hahahahhaa
imaginative peace says:
"can i fluff ure pillow?"
//frankie// says:
no man on my jet theres only chocolate
imaginative peace says:
hahah
imaginative peace says:
but i like those airplane peanuts
//frankie// says:
hrm, so does bil
//frankie// says:
bah we keep em
imaginative peace says:
haha
//frankie// says:
tapi stocknya faez dgn bil makan saja
imaginative peace says:
oh are we gonna pick bil up from kl too?
//frankie// says:
yeap,
//frankie// says:
and Leeds for Yani and Reza
imaginative peace says:
but then dorang'll have to sleep on the chairs saja
//frankie// says:
Naj dulu lah in Japan
//frankie// says:
awu ah nada spare bedroom lagi
imaginative peace says:
lol awu ah cant forget bout naj

Gaboo Air, hell that cracked me up... i wish i had a private jet.. pick up everyone all over the world, Mel in Wales, Reza,Yani, the folks in London, Aussie, K.L, the homies in Brunei...then when everyones on-board, tell Ali to press "Auto-pilot" then have a party a million miles in the air.. up in the clouds...

who says we cant dream?

Valentines Day Lessons

2006-02-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

Things i learnt on Valentines Day:-

- DONT wear the colour red to work/Uni, intentionally or un-intentionally, as you WILL be subject to teasing or offers to become a "Valentines Day" mascot

- DONT hang out with other couples, as they will either be a)MUSHY or b)having an argument regardless of your precense..

- DO hang with other un-attached people... 1) Anti-Valentine people are amusing, but CAN get tiring

2) people with their Valentines overseas are a good choice as they wont whine about their inability to get a Valentine, but DO expect them to tune out while you'e talking, as they have other things/people on their minds..

3)people regarding Valentines day as "just another day" are the most fun ones to hang with.. you can joke to each other about how pathetic the rest of the world is, in comparison to the 'cool' two of you =)

- DONT have lunch/dinner at places listed in the "Top 10 Romantic Places to Eat in Brunei" e.g, Fratinis, West Street Cafe... but then even McDonalds have Valentine Set Meals, so you're pretty much screwed...

- if you DO have a date for Valentines day, make sure both of you know just what type of date it is.. Valentines Day can make a simple "lets-go-somewhere-to-chill-and-get-to-know-each-other-better" date evolve into a "romantic-dinner-with-hidden-ulterior-motives" type date... its the romanitic undertones of Valentines that make everything have mixed signals..

- if you happen to be walking alone in a public space, e.g The Mall, and there are couples everywhere you look, DO develop a confident stance... project the image "Single Independant" not "Unwanted Doormat".. no matter how uncomfortable the smug stares of the attached couples..

- DONT ask someone out on a date just so you wont be alone on Valentines Day.. ultimate LOW.. and you could be sending out mixed signals to the hopefuls...

heheh, just stupid stuff coming outta my head =p
hope the shoutbox is up soon...

i opened my email inbox to Kaka M.J asking me if i wanted to participate in her University project for her Communications Honours Course.. and its about the Social Effects of Friendster in the Bruneian Community.. which i think is TOTALLY AWESOME.. and damn.. i had the idea of doing a study on Friendster and how it effects the teenage community of Brunei ever since i saw most of the users in MaktabDulis ICT Lab logged into Friendster...

i miss the MJ family.. i even bumped into M.J the Third at the Mall on Valentines night.. hes grown up!! no more shy little boy with gaboo cheeks that me n Mel picked up from PDS.. HE came up to ME in Best Eastern, and terus salam-ed me.. at first i was like "who on earth is this boy".. panya MJ3!! holding roses no less.. he claimed he was on a "just-friends" date.. sigh, hes turning 15 methinks... they grow up so fast...

National Day Practise tomoro.. and ever since i dragged Nana along, and more people joined, its more fun.. hehe~~

lets surf the emotional waves

2006-02-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

its valentines day.. well, its 1.46am so yea, its the beginning of valentines day... the first hour and a half of Valentines 2006 was spent on the phone with Andy, moaning about each of our love lives, and me polishing off half a tub of strawberry icecream while i listen to Andy's insecurities.. if only the rest of our frens could see us tonight mate, they wouldnt believe that was us..

but yea, each of us are allowed to have insecurities.. no matter the mask we project to the public, its still our human right to breakdown and whine once in a while... we cant be all happy-happy-clouds in the sky ALL THE TIME can we?? its more exhausting being carefree, if that even makes sense.. this rant has been based on several assumptions that funny clowns cant cry... oh we CAN cry, we just dont wanna ruin the mask.. it aint waterproof ya know...

my god what am i on about?? i guess im just a mess of emotions.. nervous about tomoros..oh wait, LATERS appointment with the Big Doc.. and this whole 'dinner' thing is starting to bug me..

if u want us to be frens, why make a big deal about a dinner?on Valentines day no less... do u just not wat to be alone tonight?

im sick of people offering and when i have the guts to take a step forward and take it, the hand is snapped back..

"i like you"
"i like you too.."
"oh wait, no, im too scared to do anything, i take it back..."

haha that was the "Office Crush" back in 2005.. that was dumb.. dumb dumb dumb.. and fae was really into him lagitu... faluiiii

and why do i keep thinking about YOU? ure supposed to be NOTHING to me... NOTHING... then why do i miss you and wish you were here?

STUPID VALENTINES... makes u unlock and think of all the stuff that was safely kept in a locked box...

bah Andy, lets go out on Valentines night and watch "Fun with Dick and Jane"... at least we'll keep our sanity intact for a few hours longer...

i forgive you, but my tommy gun dont.

2006-01-21T13:01:00.000+08:00

I'm heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told.
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems.
Shelter from cold.
We are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.

I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are
With whoever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose,
Don't have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it's so hard to have someone to love.
And keeping quiet is hard.
`Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us.

Oh, we're so controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
And these are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds,
Handsome and smart.
Oh, my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV.
And from speedin' up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.
You're holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it hurts to always have to be
Honest with the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us.

(whispered) This is intolerable.

This is the grace only we can bestow
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend.
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone.
This is the rise and the fall!

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us

2005, Gaboo, we were wrong, it did get worse. 2006, we better be ready.
dramaqueendiaries, fuck that.

downplaying the despair

2005-11-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

more bad news have been thrown at me that ive given up keeping count... and ive also given up telling people about it.. my mind has been twisted left and right in more ways than one that its fast assuming the shape of a giant pretzel..

and PLEASE stop trying to get me down.. i have other things around me that have the power to do that that i dont need YOU to whine around me. my god, ure blinded by ure need to be the center of attention that u cant see the good things around you.. right now i kinda hate you =)

Taking hold. Breaking in.The pressures on, need to circulate.Mesmerized and taken in. Moving slow, so it resonates.It's time to rest, not to sleep away. My thoughts alone, try to complicate. I'll do my best, to seek you out, and be myself, not impersonate.

i tried so hard to not walk away, and when things didn't go my way, I'll still carry on and on just the same.

I've always been strong. But can't make this happen. 'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in. The fear of becoming, So tired of running. Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in. I want to breathe you in..

I'm going in, so cover me. Your compass will, help me turn the page. The laughing stock I'll never be. Because I won't let them take me

Emotional Infidelity.

2005-11-24T13:14:00.000+08:00

i read this in a magazine. Its about emotional affairs, where u dont actually 'cheat' on ure partner with someone else, but rather have "head sex"... where theres something 'more' going on between u and a 'platonic' friend.. someone u swear to all ure girlfriends that "hes just a friend".. but actually, theres more to it.. a kind of connection between u two... but again, ure not cheating on ure partner, at least not physically... just.... emotional infidelity....

i read this....And rolled on the floor laughing..

QUIZ: ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

There are red flags that your "innocent" relationship may be sexier than you think. Here's how to recognize whats combustible and what's not.

1) Do you pay special attention tohow you look before you see your "platonic" friend?

2) Do you think crush-like thoughts, such as "He'd love this outfit"?

3)Do you touch him in legal ways - like picking lint off his blazer, or checking out his new, improved biceps?

4)Have you developed "mentionitis" - where you're tempted to insert hisname into every third sentence when you're with others?

5)Have your girlfriends begun asking you if he's really just a friend?

6)Do you tell your platonic friend details of your day before you tell your partner?

7)Do you find yourself comparing notes on, or even complaining about, your partners to each other?

8) Do you play down how much time you spend with him when talking to your partner?

9) Has one of you said "i'm attracted to you, but I would never act on it because you're attached"?

10)Would you be uncomfortable if your partner saw a videotape of the time you spend with this person?

Give yourself one point for every "yes" answer. Five or more, and you're probably having an emotional affair.

deprived

2005-11-19T09:42:00.000+08:00

he took frankie to download pictures of lionfish.

i need jimmy eat world

i need fall out boy

i need fighters of foo

i need the confessionals from the dashboard

i need better than ezra

tell him to give frankie back =(

vindicated

2005-11-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

isnt it awesome when you turn on the stereo, music pours out, and your thoughts just cease to exist? all the cares, concerns, worries that you had before, for four and a half minutes, just stops hammering around in your head, stops demanding attention.

"A Lifetime" - Better Than Ezra
my song when i want to be braindead.

after yesterdays piece of bad news, i locked myself in my bedroom and turned on my music. i switched off the voices arguing in my head and watched the ceiling fan go roun and roun..

i guess its only inevitable to breakdown when the one thing that kept me going through this emotional rollercoaster is gone.. all because of a stupid deadline.. one that i couldnt have met even if i had known there was a deadline.

everything just seems to be bad timing.. like everything just seems out of sync.. an actor has his script stapled wrongly and now hes acting out different acts in different sequences.. and nothing makes sense anymore.

nothing makes sense anymore.nothing.

something that ive kept close to me throughout this whole ordeal is my sense of humour and confidence.. but a certain someone has been trying to take them away from me. can someone please tell him that if i dont want to feel sorry for myself, or make bitter jokes about how everyone has better luck than me, I WONT. im not you. self-pity isnt a weapon of mine. keep your grey linings to yourself.

one thing they dont tel you about living your life one day at a time is that its damn exhausting.

please dont ask from me more than im willing to give. sometimes i need to keep some sanity for myself.

thank you to the ones who made the 11th, 12th, 13th and 15th of November memories. all the cats we hit, all the foil hats we made, corny jokes thrown around. thanks for the intwined memories.

"hope, dangles on a string.
like slow spinning redemption,
winding in, and winding out.
the shine of it has caught my eye.
and roped me in.
so mesmerizing so hypnotising
i am captivated."

stupid hope. u know somethings wrong when Fae starts listening to Dashboard Confessionals again.

i hope my sleepover session with Bil and Shaz on Saturday night de-emo-fies me. Berayaing on Sunday. who wants their house to be attacked by a convoy of 7 hungry insane wolves masquerading as teenagers berayaing, raise up their hands.

its post no.100!!

2005-11-08T15:37:00.000+08:00

post number 100 =)

is it safe to go out now? before this i felt as if lady luck was giving me the evil eye therefore it wasnt safe to go out... (the people who were with me that J.P night knows what i mean =p)

but methinks my luck is changing..

i had a DST Hari Raya function yesterday, and we had to go to the istana to salam the Royal household.. i thought i would be alone, but Tinkerbell was there, her sister being a DST staff, so we hung out and took care of each other at the istana =)

we came back to Headquarters and there was a function, with a makan-makan and a performance.. and Mr. Jamaican War Cry was performing in one of the group dances... i might be evil for saying this but i thought the dance was whole-ly gay. gay gay gay. =p

we could pick out our Lucky Draw numbers and for some weird reason i had the urge to pick out an orange tab with the number "224" on it =p orange for Rey,224 for Mash.. and guess what? i won a prize =))))))

i kept shaking the wrapped box and kept saying to Ka Chip "ITS A GLASS BOWL" nie.. she guessed that it was a shaver.. of all things to guess.. a shaver... LOL

when i opened it in Ka Chips car, the box said "NOKIA 2650". hahahahaha I WON A PHONE IN A LUCKY DRAW!!

its the barcalounger phone. the one that looks like a lounge chair.. the flip phone.. hehe

and i just got back from the clininc =) 3 more days of hell then its just three times a week babyyyyyyyyyy

and my girlfren Bil is back and is staying for a month!!! hehehe

i think its safe to go out....

as dul said "CAMAT AIE YAYA"

2005-11-03T09:34:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin =)

i have one person in mind that i need to ask for forgiveness, but that person doesnt even know what i did wrong...

"please forgive me for betraying you,
even before you trusted me,
please forgive me for lying
even before we spoke a word,
please forgive me for hurting you,
even though you dont know it"

i've known better than to ask forgiveness when friendships are at risk... sometimes, ignorance saves you..

to everyone that ive hurt verbally, physically, spiritually or emotionally, i ask your forgiveness whereever you feel you see fit to forgive me.. if there are still thinngs that you feel are unforgivable, please give me room for redemption.. a clean slate..

my room smells of lemon scented furniture polish =)

Pinky Blue, Happy 20th Birthday. I love you, take care, and keep ure chin up.. misha.

Stevens, i miss you very very very very much. quit being a chimney. Happy 20th babe. love you.

Big Andy, i wont see you on your birthday, but Happy 19th Birthday anyway. thanks for all the airport hugs. love ya.

jeans that do justice

2005-11-01T15:09:00.000+08:00

I just got off the fone with Sham =) it was fun talking to him again.. plan to hang out berabisly with him when he comes back at the end of the year.. make up for lost time…

As you’ve probably read from Mashes blog, I went to her house on Saturday and hung out with her and her family the whole day… but she didn’t mention just how EVIL she really is! She was so evil that day! She let me borrow her clothes, she fed me any junk food that she could find, she gave me the latest juicy gossip, she let me ‘shop’ for DVDs from her collection, she told me to play guitar with her brother Iqbal while she cooked, she wouldn’t let me do any housework… EVIL WAH SI MASH AH!! Then she did the most evil thing of all, she asked her older brother if they could send me home so I could hang out with her longer in gadong… evilness =p

In between bitching about people not worth mentioning in this post and the worthlessness of modern mobile technology, me and mash mentioned that we couldn’t get into certain pairs of jeans that used to fit us fine a couple years back.. I have a pair of jeans that I wore on my sixteenth birthday bash, and looking at pictures of that day, they looked good! But a few weeks ago, I tried to get in them and they wouldn’t fit =( Mash had the same problem with a pair of her jeans and just like my pair, it was jeans that she loved..

I remember an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda could fit into her ‘skinny jeans’ after losing weight because of not having any time to eat, being too busy taking care of the new baby. Carrie defined ‘skinny jeans’ as the jeans that act as an indicator on how thin you are.. if you can fit in your skinny jeans, you are the skinniest you’ve ever been in ure life haha..

I have a weird soft spot for jeans, especially the ones that have been with me through the years, through (sometimes literally) thick and thin.. most of the time you can guess what mood im in with just what pair of pants Im wearing at the time. If im in a pair of baggies, chances are im feeling depressed or having a low-self esteem day, whereas if you’re hanging out with me when im wearing a pair of skinny-pipe jeans coupled with my favorite sneakers, be warned that you might end up doing something spontaneous =p

with every memory, I bet I can tell you the pair of pants that I was wearing at the time.. I remember what pants I wore on my first ‘date’ as an official ‘couple’ with a certain ex, I remember the pants I wore when I went to the airport to send off my best friend… each of the pants that hang in my closet each have a share of bitter-sweet memories.. Mash ended up giving her jeans to ‘charity’, whereas my pair is still hanging in my closet, waiting for the day im anorexic enough to squeeze in them =p they have too much sentimental value to be given away…

is there anyone out there that has the DVD of “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants” that I can pinjam?

can u spell dissapointed?

2005-10-28T10:52:00.000+08:00

i went blog hopping and found a friend's site. and i randomly clicked on a post that was written a few weeks ago... and he was talking about a girl that he went jalan with the night before.. about how she opened up to him that night, and his thoughts about the conversation. I looked at the date... I was the girl he went out with that night.. and an excerpt of what he said

I keep getting the truth lately. From my own doings and actions, people are showing off their true faces and their true perspective on me. Well, lets just say Im well dissapointed.

Where is this writing going to take me? I dont know. But I do know that it is time for me close my eyes and dream of her

i keep re-reading the part where he says that he is "well dissapointed"... i dont know if he meant that hes dissapointed in what he found out taht night, because i have to say, i showed him a side of me taht i dont usually show people.. the side of Fae you only glimpse if your on the beach with her and she had a bad day. the drained side of her. i dont regret showing that side to him, but if he was dissapointed in me for having that side, then im dissapointed in him for being dissapointed... lol whatever.

maybe thats why most people wear a facade in front of their peers. because showing your true selves, your bare roots of your soul, it sure aint hell worth the trouble.

and whaddaya mean "dream of her"?!

life is random, change is the only constant

2005-10-27T07:47:00.000+08:00

// "If You Dont Dont" - Jimmy Eat World //

i have a lot of things on hold (my scholarship, my license, my UCAS bla bla blaaaa)that its kinda amusing.... hahaha and i just realized anything that pisses me off or i find frustrating, after the initial flush of anger, i just find everything amusing...

my therapist (did u know therapists need therapists too?) claims i have a very hidden issue of repression... he pointed this out by giving me the example of what i did when i broke my toe... i slipped on a wet kitchen floor and landed on my toe, the pain was EXCRUCIATING and any sane person who has enough pain neurones would understand that SOMETHING was wrong with my foot with the amount of pain shooting up my leg...

but what does Fae do? she stands up, and forces herself to walk upstairs into her bedroom, with no help whatsoever.. but later she paid for her actions cause she shouldnt have stood up so soon and put pressure on her injured foot... in the long run it made the foot worse, cause ure not supposed to add any pressure on an injury.. (do you see any people who broke their arm lift something right after they broke it? didnt think so)... so in a way, im gna make the situation worse by not dealing with issues as soon as they come.. pretending things are okay are only gonna work till a set time... this was when me and the therapist started to talk about Hooke's Law (anything elastic has a limit and then it loses its elasticity and soon it snaps) but lets not go into THAT.. haha.. metaphors in science...

last night i went out to go to a supposed PGGMB reunion... hehe but erm, when u only see a handful( okay fine a handful and a thumb) of people that u vaguely remember seeing in your primary school halls, that aint a reunion =p hehee nantitah si Fae organise berabis =p..

looking at the guys that ive seen grow up from awkward little geeks to 'toned' 'confident' 'men' ,(the airquotes are there sebab im sure ada tu orang atu perasan!) i thought to myself that you dont really change the image of someone that youve already stored in your head...i still see my childhood frens as... children =p.. i remember someone was gushing over one particular childhood fren, gushing on how hot he turned out, how buff, but all i cud see was still, that geeky awkward boy =p haha maybe gradually the image WILL change, but in the meantime, the image of u guys in ure white-shirt-dark-blue-trousers uniform running around main belun, will still be there =p

i had to help 'orang atu' with his Prima registration and Mr. Jamaican War Cry keeps popping in my head at annoying moments... must be the working-at-DST mental state thats to blame... i need to get these guys out of my head permanently... anyone know a good hypnotist?

i may re-bond my hair, i may not. depends on the financial status of Fae in the next week.

my background went kaput... which was annoying cause i was proud of that piece of background... ill change it soon...

i miss a certain friend.. i never realized just how much i valued their company and conversation till its limited to online chats and random text messages...

and i would like to apologize to 'those people'...sometimes i feel like im not giving you guys my all, its not that i dont care enough, its just that i need to sort out my mess before i tackle others.. ill listen but advice and opinion, i want to refrain from giving =) to detach myself from u guys gives me more perspective and grasp on things...

"can i have a glass of Emo-Lite, on the rocks, with a twist of lemon please."

Mr. Jamaican War Cry

2005-10-26T14:15:00.000+08:00

i changed the background picture... hehe edited it myself during my bumming days... to those who dont know yet, im currently working at DST (again)... its not the same but thats a story for later times...

Happy Puasaing and Happy birthday to the Scorpios! IOU ah babe?

Updates soon mwahz

scratch off Option 1 & 2

2005-09-17T00:45:00.000+08:00

From :  International Office  
Sent :  Friday, September 16, 2005 3:02 PM 
To :   
Subject :  Re: Enquiry on Late Enrollment under Medical Grounds 
  

Dear Nur

Thank you for your e-mail

I am sorry to hear of your problems and hope you feel better soon. I am afraid that it would not be possible to arrive later than the first week of september if you wish to study at the university for september 2005 intake. 

If you are not able to arrive by the end of september you would need to see if it is possible to defer your offer until sept 2006, if you would like us to request your offer is deferred pleaes do contact us again,

Best wishes 
Laura 

http://www.cf.ac.uk/international
International Development Division,
Cardiff University, 
42 Park Place
Cardiff, CF10 3BB, UK

i guess that means Option 1 and 2 is out you guys...

i'll see you next year..

in the meantime, i'll just...

*sigh*

this f*ckin sucks.

move along

2005-09-14T15:43:00.000+08:00

i am learning the hard way, how to be strong... it is when you put on a brave face, even when everything that you've worked hard for gets taken away from you...

that goal that you once thought was a sphere of beatiful glass that is beyond your reach is suddenly in the palm of your hand, but before you close your fist around it, a hard wind strikes, and it crashes down, breaking into pieces, and things arent the same again... to be strong is to look at the broken pieces with clenched fists, but to take a deep breath, stoop down, and try to salvage the pieces to make it whole again... it wont be the same as you originally planned, but to accept the fact that it IS salvagable, is a first step...

it was hard at first to embrace reality, because it seemed the last thing to be in between myself and U.K Uni life, but then the rocks that trip you up sometimes just initially looked harmless...

when the doctor issued me the letter that blessed me with medical fitness, the relief i felt was enormous.. but when he called me in on Monday and sadly told me the bad news, and took away the letter, he wasnt just taking away the letter, but also taking away any chance i had on being a normal university student, graduating with my friends..

but to sit and swear, or to be furious and blame the world for the unfairness of the situation, isnt what i want to do... i would rather be optimistic, and find a way out of this dark room i was shoved into..

one of my close friends said to me "Si Fae soldier.".. and i smiled cause that was what i wanted to be.. just like a soldier, recruited against his will, but he'll just fight, not for anyone else, for himself, because hes brave enough to accept his situation and do what he has to do...

i'll do what i have to... i'll find a way out of this, i'll concentrate on getting better...i'll find out what options i have , what i have to do, and in the meantime, get healthy...

to the handful of people who know the whole story, i thank you from the bottom of my heart... you believing that i CAN be strong MAKES me strong... i'll be your little soldier, i'll do you proud..

and i dont believe that the drastic change in weather is a bad thing... maybe the weather hasnt been better.. i'll just look for a different barometer...

do me a favour and dont pity me, just pray for me... and maybe i can make a cool crescent outta the broken sphere...

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

from the journal of Fae

2005-08-30T22:49:00.000+08:00

an excerpt from my journal, on the 25th of August, Thursday

the day started off with a smile.i was lost in feelings of familiarity mixed with the exciting unknown... it was like being enveloped in a dream that was a surreal reality... a playful remainder of the possibility of a situation free of drama.. free of worry... just smiles and giggles

today was the day that Ali was scheduled to fly off to do his RBA Pilot Training.. the flight was at night, and the day was spent avoiding glancing at the clock, in hopes that time doesnt continue on if we dont see the hands of the clock move...

but as i half-listen to the breifing given by a Ministry Officer, whos name i didnt care to catch at the beginning of his speech, i realized that the feeling of sadness of a dear friend leaving was utterly unceremonious... in truth, i should feel happy and proud of dear Gaboo, because here is a dear friend, embarking on what was hopefully going to be one of his most enlightening journeys, a transition that was noteworthy enough to render an enthusiastic sending-off...so there i made the resolution to not cry at the airport, as Ali did not deserve tears, but deserved pats in the back...

admittedly there were tears in my eyes as i watched him hug everyone farewell, but my hug to you wasnt "Goodbye" Ali, but more of a "Take Care of Yourself and Dont You Dare Do Anything Without Me There"=)

watched him walk towards the boarding hall - times have changed,
watched him wave goodbye - we've all moved on
we shouted "YA MAN!" to him - intertwined memories will be forever missed
he turned and grinned - but the future, it looks bright and inviting.

later that night i had a dream, that Reza, Kel, Mash, Shairazi and I were having dinner and reminiscing about times we had with Ali.. and the phone rang, and it was Ali, saying that his flight was cancelled and he invited us all over to his house, for a spontaneous pizza party..

at his place,the old jokes were tossed around, new ones emerged and stored away for future referance, food were offered, stuffed toys were thrown about, football skills were showed off.. just another night of laughter and friends...

i dreamt that i fell asleep on Ali's couch, and i was tucked in with a warm blanket, and the familiar feeling of safety i always have whenever Ali was around came back, and that feeling stayed, to the point where i woke up to dirty sunshine, and it was morning and i was in my room..

but i woke up smiling... and the world doesnt know why i smile.....

OVERDUE UPDATE II

2005-08-22T19:57:00.000+08:00

// Failure By Design - Brand New //

oh my god, i have a really high fever... but back to updating! where was i...

Tuesday [16/08/05]

i REMEMBER THIS WAS A VERY VERY HOT DAY!!

oh my god... Melina and I had to pick up Shanedi at Rimba to go lunching at McDonalds, and we were MELTING in the car!!! I got a call from a B-Mobile number, and turns out it was 'orang atu'!!! haha lama sudah inda dengar dari ia... he was wasting his friends B-Mobile credit, so he started calling everyone he knew... the weird thing was, that morning i woke up with this HUGE Sushi craving, and tau-tau at noon, my Sushi buddy calls outa nowhere =) he asked kalau results keluar sudah, cause i promised him Sushi if i got the scholarship =)

Mel was looking for Shanedis place while i was on the phone and we ended up at the wrong house! in a moment of confusion, i accidentally hung up on 'orang atu' while tryna call Shanedi on Mels phone...panya salah simpang! hahaha girls and directions......

we went off to Gadong, Shanedi melting in the backseat, and in McDonalds ordered chicken... Shai, Mash, Yani and Najib joined us later on, but had to go cause Mash had a class... and since Melina didnt have to pick up her mom like was originally planned, the three of us ended up walking around the Mall... i was in a really antsy mood, and at that time i didnt know why...

then at around 2.30pm, while we were in Shanedi's favorite comic store, Bluestone, i got a text from Kashful saying "I got the scholarship call.. syukur alhamdullilah"

i dont know about Mel, but i freezed up right there.. suddenly, my mobile phone was the most important object in the world.... me and Melina probably looked so grim that we were nearly crying so Shanedi suggested we went back to McDonalds just so we could sit down...

so there was me and Mel, with our phones in front of us, staring at it so hard, willing it to ring.. 3pm passed, no call,
3.30pm, still no call..
at 4pm, we had to go and send Shanedi home and also i had to go to training...

we were at the petrol station in Beribi when MY MOBILE RANG... hahaha screw fines and petrol stations blowing up due to the ions in mobile frequency, THIS WAS THE SCHOLARSHIP!!! after months of waiting THIS WAS THE PHONECALL!!

i picked up =) i got it =) i have a briefing to go to =(

I started calling my parents, whilst Melina was trying hard to concentrate on driving.. then her PHONE RANG...and it was KASHFUL! hahaha she hung up the fone on him pretty fast =p but inevitably she got the call a few minutes after... i mean DUH, why would they send ME and NOT MELINA JAINI? haha... totally will not make sense =p

so after all the screaming and hugging (in mels case with one hand firmly planted on the steering wheel and one eye on the road of course) Shanedi and Mel sent me to footy pracs, where i was given the most gruelling workout in the history of my short-football career...

but i didnt care, i got a scholarship =) =)

but crap, i now owe 'orang atu' sushi....

Wednesday [17/08/05]

before we went to our breifing at 3pm, Melina, Kashful and I went to Maktab Duli to visit =) it was nice to walk through familiar halls again... we visited the Deputy Principal (LCK) although it was no idea of mine since i still resent the man. we also met Mr.Simmonds =) =) =) and stole Mentos off of the essay table in the E.Lit office... ahhhh just like old times =) too bad i didnt get to see BabyFaye...

at the breifing we were each given our Scholarship Offer letter... and for some reason, it hasnt sunk in yet that im gna fly off

we have a week full of breifings.. from 22-27th August

oh joy =s

Thursday [18/08/05]

at UBD was a waste of time because i ended up skipping everything =p

organized an 'outing' for this particular Thursday due to requests from a certain boy named Kel... BUT this was the night that everyone was spooked about, because of the whole STPRI-"somethings-gna-happen-so-stay-at-home".... haha but us being the kabal people that we are, we went out anyway... too bad Mash was told to go back home, it was a funny night, shisha-ing... Kel told the guy to put 7UP in the shisha instead of water.......... and damn.......... the guys kept annoying me by saying "YEA MAN!!!" in a jamaican accent like in the Russel Peters Stand-Up comedy Show... *glares at Shairazi, Ali and Kel*

at 10.30, SOME people (looks at Kel) started feeling scared and saying that we should make a move =p so to humour THAT person, we all went to HIS house... Fae actually DIDNT want to go into Kels house cause thats not a place an ex should be, especially if shes scared of the Mom..

but thank god the Mom was asleep, so we spent the rest of the night watching Kels home-made movies of him and his frens in Bedford.... home movies of bored boys in an all-boys boarding school.. silly shit!

Shairazi was spooked to go home alone since it was midnyt, so a couple of us 'dengani-ed' him by escorting him to his house... now i knoe where the mighty Shairazi lives!! *prepares stalking plans*

Friday [19/08/05]

So sick of my long hair, i decided to cut it today... and when the hairdresser asked what she should do with it, i was so sanak that i answered "Cut it as short as possible"... but my mum didnt allow me to cut it above my ears (dammnit), but she let me get away with just above shoulder length... feel SO much better, the long hair was really getting on my nerves!

xo Little Key xo: "from long straight hair to boyish short?! Gila you."

me and my little sister Nana went to the $1.80 shop and the little bugger bought THREE packs of Choki Choki chocolate, each with 10 sticks of Choki Choki inside... so when we were home, we ate it all!!! ahhh childhood memories =) =) and my baby sister Farah was hyper due to the vast amount of chocolate so she was laughing non-stop... weird children... will miss them when i fly off..

i took a nap and woke up with a start when i realized it was 3.45, Melina was already on the way to pick me up to go to Ali's Doa... and true enough while i was running around getting ready, she came on time as usual... sorry Mel!

we went to Ali's, and beat Shairazi to a parking space =p at Ali's there were these cakes that people call "Tapak Kuda" and the chocolate that was in each slice was SO banyak! it was like, one whole teaspoon of Nutella! omg.. chocolate high..

me and Shairazi kept trying to make Ali say "Ya Man!" because Ali says it in a hilarious way, but since we tagur-ed on how funny it was, he refused to do it =p

Gonna miss ya aLeeeeeeeeeee

Saturday 20/08/05

the initial plan was to go to UBD and get all the Admin stuff done.. but due to some glitches in the system, we didnt get to get ANYTHING done... *glares at treasurer of UBD*

i was walking to the Tuckshop with Shairazi, and we met one of my seniors from M.D in the Tuckshop.. she heard about my scholarship and congratulated me.. then she lanja-ed me a sandwich =) =)

then on the way back from the tuckshop, we bumped into a few other people that stopped me to say congrats too... Shairazi started muttering incomprehensibles, so i made a bet with him... i said that i would pay him a dollar for every person who stopped and said Congrats to me from that point on till we reached the Assistant Registrar(the next point of visit)... SHAIRAZI CHEATED by stopping people and telling them i got a scholarship, and naturally they congratulated me =p at the end of this whole mania, i now owe Shairazi a pair of shoes from Foot Locker in the UK.... =p =p =p =p hope he forgets abt it....

Sunday [21/08/05]

woke up with a fever.... stayed home the whole day....

Monday [22/08/05]

today was the first day of the week long taklimats... and there are a lot of familiar faces in the group of scholars this year... mostly from Maktab Duli... =)

i was very much feverish... up to a point where in the afternoon breifing, i curled up and fell asleep...

OVERDUE UPDATE

2005-08-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

oh my god i havent updated in a week... and something memorable happened every single day! so this is going to be a LONG one folks...

keep ure eyes peeled, here comes the catch-up, updated,back-to-back episodes of drama.queen.diaries... lets start with :-

Thursday [11/08/05] :
in the afternoon,me, Ben and Mash hitched our bootys out of UBD, hip-hop tracks pumping, cause we had to go buy ingreidients for Ali's birthday cake that we planned to make on Saturday afternoon, before his party.. BUT what Ben didnt know was that half of the ingreidients were for HIM, cause his birthday was on Saturday too.. he asked "Why are u buying so much chocolate?" and me and Mash just made some stuff up like "uhh just in case" or " i think we'r gona make a trial cake".. hahaha.. me and Mash brought Ben to the Utama Grand Supermarket and he confessed that it was his first time there =s hahaha bukan orang Brunei banar ehhh

and after our feast at KFC for lunch, my arms started getting all itchy...

Friday [12/08/05] :
i texted Mash asking what time i should come over, and she texted back saying that she was out with her sister and she'll be back by 3 o'clock... i came at around 2.45pm, and Mashes maid let me in.. she told me to sit down at the dining room table.. so i did...

i looked around the dining room, reading the labels off her boxes, noone was in the room and i was eye-ing her jar full of Apollo bars.... i reached out.... then....

"THREE O CLOCK" a voice called out..
whaaaaattt?? who said that??? i looked around the room and WOOOOOTTTT Mash has a clock that talks!!! hahaha tried to make conversation with it while waiting for Mash but weirdly enough it didnt reply... hrm....

I had to stop trying to talk to the clock cause Mashes mom came in the room.. we had a pleasant HOUR LONG conversation while waiting for Mash to come home... Mash did text, saying that her sisters car was taking longer than expected in the workshop, but i didnt really mind waiting.. and i was brushing up on my people-skills by chatting to her mom(in Malay mind you!)...

Mash came home around 4pm, and we started working on Bens cake right away... i set up a stopwatch to see how long we would take...and hahaha for someone who claimed to have made this cake OODLES of times, Mash sure made a lot of mistakes =p =p =p hahaha i was just taking orders from her cause hey! i dint know any better!

but 1] we put extra chocolate in the batter
2] we put extra butter
3] we didnt turn the knob on the oven so it was just sitting there not cooking =p

hehe, at the end of everything, the chocolate cake tasted awesome so we werent too bothered with the mistakes... at least we didnt drop any fingernails into the batter or anything =)

while we were waiting for the cake to bake, Mash and Iqbal, Mashes younger brother taught me how to play the drums =) =) =) they taught me how to play 'Pupus' and 'That Thing You Do".. was a bit slow on the uptake, and Iqbal was trying to get me into the rythm by pointing which pedals to hit or drum to beat, in the end he looked like he was doing a dance... hehehe was so cute! he reminds me so much of Raeky, the way he talks, and the way he acts... hehe

after i was done with the baking of the cake,(with all the mistakes and drumming lessons we took 3 hours and 47minutes to make the cake) Abang called to say he was in the car with Syaima and Daniel( Ali's siblings) and that we were all going to go watch Ali play his futsal match.. but they got lost in Lambak so Mash had to direct them on the phone.. hehe

after they found their way, we went of to the indoor stadium to Ali's game.. i gave back Syaima's green socks, and she put one over her hand and with a marker made eyes, so TADA a sock puppet... we called it Lambchop.. and the guys at the tournament were looking at me and her weirdly, probably due to us playing with Lambchop and Syaima wearing a shirt saying "FCUK FOOTBALL! WHAT ABOUT ME?!"

after we watched Ali make a fool of himself playing goalie (hehehe at least u NEARLY won 9 games man), we went to Mamih to grab a bite to eat... Syaima and Daniel ordered this blueberry slushy thing and it looked warped but i didnt want to say that out loud... haha..

Saturday [13/08/05]
aLi and Ben's birthday!

me and Mash wanted to present the cake to Ben at our spot in the morning, but for some reason, everyone was late that day, and everyone had classes so we decided to just suprise him at lunchtime... the cake was passed from one person to the another, depending who didnt have classes.. haha cant believe we were babysitting a cake...

oh yea! Mash showed me the birthday message she sent Ali the night before... it said something along the lines of "Happy 21st Birthday Ali! 21 is the legal age...." hahahaha i burst out laughing and pointed out that Ali was turning 20, not 21... the look of horror on Mashes face WAS SOOOO FUNNY!!! but she remedied the situation with help from yours truly =)

i went into my first English Language Studies class and i LOVE THE CLASS!!!! i never knew that i was interested in Linguistcs... how the English language is put together, the 'mechanics' of the English Language... YAY i found a subject in UBD that i was actually interested in =) =)

since me and Mash made a mistake and used more ingriedients in Bens cake, we didnt have enough to make Ali's cake, so we asked Ben if he could bring us ingriedient shopping again.. he gave us a weird looks and asked where all the ingriedients went.. we made up a story about making a trial cake r something like that... he was a bit suspicious but let it go in the end and brought us shopping... another reason we brought him jalan was so that Mel, Shai, and Yani could meet us at the Food Court of The Mall and we can suprise him with the cake then...

hehe and suprise him we did =) Happy Birthday Ben!

Shai sent me and Mash to Mashes house so we can start working on Ali's bday cake.. but since we were behind schedule due to a little stopover at the RIPAS Hospital, Shai decided to help us out.. oh my god he was so CUTE, whisking eggs, and licking the batter off the spoon... hehehe

he had to leave to get ready, and me and Mash had to shower and change, but before that me and Shai played a little bit of football, barefoot.. Shai ended up with blood on his big toe =s

when Shai picked us up later on, we had the cake ready, with the wording on the plastic that read "To Ali, the smelliest guy in the world..Love Mash, Fae, and a little bit of Shai"... hehe

the party was great, and Fae was fuelled by cans of coke =) i gave Ali his birthday present =) i hope he liked it.. =)

i was so hyper i was practically bouncing off the walls... so many faces that i havent seen in such a long time =) like HAZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

i had a funny time pretending to be someones girlfren.. haha and i met Reza and Ali's childhood friend, Shanedi... i met him last year, but never actually talked to him... then before you know it me and him were drawing all over each others arms and hands.. he is now "Chicken Feet" whereas i am "Munkiface"

and i think i was blinded that night cause there were so many FLASHES from everyones digital cameras!! *mutters camera whores* hehehe KIDDING! but mad props to Melina for being the unofficial party photographer... i liked the one where she took a picture of me in Mashes Pixies shirt, but Mash was standing right next to me... check it out on her site [MzShorty]
Love ya girl!

it was a great birthday party for a great guy =) love ya homey!

Sunday [14/08/05]
woke up with a SPLITTING headache... prolly due to the SEVEN cokes i had the night before.. a text came in from my BlitzFC manager reminding the team to be at the field at 4pm for our friendly with Saninnha.. i did not like the thought of playing against Kels older sister =s

at noon Reza texted kan bawa jalan, and he offered to send me terus to the Jerudong Polo Fields for the game.. yeah right Rez! u just want to check out my teammates and the Sanninha players =p

Reza brought me to West Street Cafe, and we grabbed a seat that was near the window so we could see who came out of McDonalds.. i scolded Reza for his behaviour the night before... then we talked about last nights party, and we happened to start talking about Kel, and then i looked out the window and THERE WAS KEL walking outta McDonalds =p =p =p

hehe he joined us skajap, then we all ahd to go to the game.. i had butterflies in my stomach cause i was gna go against KELS SISTER... but then akhirnya we only played 20mins of a game, cause one of the Sanninha players were swearing at our defenders.. she accused Nisa(Blitz Defender) of excessive body contact, and although Nisa didnt do it again, she kept saying "FUCK YOU".. hardly professional, but hey, drama on the field!

i didnt get to play much, which dissaponted Kel cause he wanted his sister to tackle me =p jahat wah si Kel ah... in the end we just played a game against ourselves cause our coach did not like the level of unprofessionalism by the Saninnha players...

*shrug*

we had a little Blitzer Birthday celebration for fellow Blitzer Muizzah.. =)

Monday [15/08/05]

AS Results came out! BabyFaye got 4 As and a B! hahahahaha damn that little genius!

Tuesday [16/08/05]

////pause//// i need to sleep... i have a fever

i got it

2005-08-17T00:21:00.000+08:00

i got the scholarship =) im happy =)

do i have to?

2005-08-07T20:19:00.000+08:00

Kel's back in Brunei =) still funny as little guys can be... went to Sugar and Spice and basically listened to him and ali make gay jokes all night.. hehe twas fun... watching Syai get light headed on Shisha.. watching both Shairazi and Syaimas heads turn whenever we said "Shai"... too bad Reza went home early... leaving me,Mash,Ali,Kel,Syaima and Shai... Mashes Burmese friend Han joined us later on and it was funny when he said that i looked familiar.. haha maybe i flew to Myanmar when i was asleep or something =p

[Kel,Ali and Shairazi - Mamih] ....in the light their skin looks the same shade =p =p =p

the next day went with Mash and Shai to pay bills... i dont even feel like going through the details of the day but go to mashes blog to read the details =p [Mashes]...

[Shai and Kel - mini-pool tournament - Mashes house ] thank you to Mashes mom for lunch =)))

still racking my brains trying to figure out a present, i mean TWO presents, for Ali Amani... while everyone was either at the tanglong or at home watching AF Finals, i was shopping for over-due birthday presents.. thank god i had a guy with me... hopeless at presents i tell ya...

maybe i should buy him some style... but for the sake of his fragile reputation, i am obligated to inform you readers that those HORRIBLE sunglasses AREN'T Ali's...but Kel's.

found this in a Multiply site of a friend... kinda know how it feels

[I had lunch today, with Jen, and I didn’t manage to really talk about things I wanted to talk to her about, truth be told my mind was blank after seeing a person who enchanted my life and taught me a lot about being in love. It felt as if my thoughts had been thrown out the proverbial window in my head, and just at if left my mind was kidnapped by a gust of wind that never ever left a ransom note.

As I sat down, I realised that I was doing so at my own peril, someone I’ve not seen for so long, yet have extremely fond memories of was sitting next to me and yet I didn’t know where to begin or what to say.

So many questions, so many urges to hug and hold, it was a feeling that I tried hard to hold back, to resist. I felt as if I had lost out, that in the time spent living out my own life and not being able to keep in touch, I had lost out on cherishing and knowing one of the most beautiful people in the world, because before, that is what she was to me.

Beautiful in that everything that she was made me sit and smile, wanting to know more and more about how she felts about the tiny things in life as well as the bigger things. I wanted to know everything about her and how her day went. I looked into the empty space and thought of all these things, only for reality to snap its fingers and bring me back to the un-daydream world. In the un-daydream world, I don’t know her anymore which leaves me sitting here now, rather empty and sad.

She is one of those, who despite of everything, I will always be in love with. Not entirely, but a piece of myself will do so, unconditionally.]

thats how i felt Friday night.

tippy-toes

2005-08-03T16:35:00.000+08:00

i have to walk around on my toes.. tippy-toes.. why? ask me when you see me online

i just got back from Laptop-Surveying with Melina and Yani... haha it was so funny watching Mel drool over Compaqs and H.Ps, shaking her head over the Twinheads... you would have thought SHE was the one buying the laptop!! hahah but i knew i picked the right person to dengani me Laptop shopping cause thanks to her,now i know more about RAM, hard drives and shit like that..

in the end (after much persuasion on Mels part) i decided on a Compaq.. hahah actually i think Mel just wants me to buy it so she can tinker around with it.. hahaha

Mel- "Dont you guys feel the THRILL of getting new technological equipment???"
Fae- *looks at Mel weirdly*

mental wah anak atu...

im backtracking on my day and it seems pretty eventful... before Laptop Surveying, was eating at TPH with mel,yani,mash,ali,shai them all, and Rey bumped in kajap..

and in the next table was Aziz Satar... i mean... WTH?? AZIZ SATAR MAN!!! like hes a LEGEND.. and he was sitting in the NEXT table.. Shai wanted to take a picture but we decided against it... the funny thing was that Mash didnt recogniize him, and kept asking "Aziz WHO?".. I finally explained to her that it was the guy that dengani-ed Adam in AF2 when he sang that oldies "kara-ku-cha" song.. dunno the name lol.. and she finally went "ohhh yeaaaaa!!" tch.. atu tau ia..

Matt came jua, but he didnt sit with us.. i think he was with his sister? =p or maybe he was scared of me LOL

before that was class.. i dont know why, but i get so BORED of the lectures i go into... i dont pay attention at all, i TRY but it doesnt work! and im taking Sociology-Anthropology, which is BASICALLY A LEVEL SOCIOLOGY ALL OVER AGAIN... pissing me off.. maybe itll be better once i start my English Language Studies subject.. Linguistics+Communication+Literature..
and those who know me best knows this is an AWESOME combination for me. =) =) =)

i dragged Shai and Najib to DST because apparently i brought my punch card home on the last day of work.. hahaha inda ku be-gaji tah tu! but i went there to sort things out... it was great to be in the office again.. but our tables looked weird being un-cluttered like that..

and Shai drove over this divider in DST.. hahahah mental wah that boy! i got you your CSI-AXN tape Shai! thats ONE LESS thing that i owe you!

im racking my brains trying to think of a gift for Haz and Ali... i owe Ali TWO presents... maybe ill just not buy him aything cause he keeps mocking the fact that im in a football team =p im not even going to tell him the physical hell i have to endure in fitness training =p and he refuses to support me when i play against Sanninnha(Brunei Hall girls) on the 14th.. JAHAT wah si Ali ah..

now what do i get them.................................................

survived the first day of UNI

2005-08-01T16:20:00.000+08:00

whew.
exhausted.
first day of Uni was annoyingly disorganized.

the start of the day was pretty smooth as i went into the right lecture room for my State and Society lecture, thanks to directions from a fellow MD-ian.
mental note:ask for directions if lost
but a few of the other students werent as lucky and some came nearly 30mins late.. and there werent enough chairs to go around, so some people had to stand! kesian.. there was one guy who had curly hair like Reza.. actually, he looked like a cross between Reza and Dopey from Snow White... eh jahat eh ngucap orang... astah..

me and Melina looked at the Course outline of our State and Society subject and guess what name we see in the list of books needed to be read? Haralambos ....
holy mother of all that is good....
it was the same name of the author of our A Level Sociology textbook! and after Alevel Socio, i never wanted to seee that textbook ever again!!! aaarrrgghhh..
*runs away from evil textbook*

after State and Society, me and Mel went our separate ways,(i think she went to her MATH class TEE-HEE).. I met up with Narissa who needed help changing her course,from TESL to my course- English Language Studies.. while i showed her my timetable, i realized that i had a slot in my timetable that had a clash of not TWO subjects, but THREE! haha three subjects in the same hour... and since i didnt have a time-turner like Hermione Granger, i had to hunt down the Assistant Registrar of my Faculty to see what could do...

poor woman! she had a headache because of me as she had to track down all these lecturers by phone to get them to change the course times, =p as Ajib said, im trouble, just like on my first day of registration when i payed with a cheque, not cash like normal people and the finance people had to be consulted and red tape had to be pluoghed through =s yes yes im a handful.. thats what people tell me...

the day went on and on, me and Narissa chasing down lecturers and officers, looking for our classes, finding it, realizing that it was the WRONG class, then going to the lecturers door to DEMAND to know where the class was being held, then panya "NO CLASSES TILL THE SECOND WEEK OF SEMEMSTER"... layaaaaaaannnnn XD XD XD

me and Narissa got so sick of walking around the goddamn big campus in heels and getting hopelessly lost that we decided to ditch school,so we went to gadong... and it was perfectly legal cause it was lunchtime =p we 'angkut'ed Ajib too..

then it was time for our Logic and Thinking lecture... and OH MY GOD... the lecturer was MUMBLING and we did not understand ONE word! me Mel Shai and Yani ended up reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

so to sum up my first day of University where i ended up to only two lectures?
i think ill just stay home tommorrow...

oh, one last thing :-

CONGRATULATIONS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!
haha proud of u homey! nanti lanja =)

universiti

2005-07-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

hrm.
orientation.
boring.
i thank god for Mp3 players.
very disorganized.MD was more organized, weirdly.
me and the girls virtually single handedly kept the PMUBD tuckshop in business by always buying junk food.
me and Mash were so bored and so paranoid of people overhearing us that we made code names for people.. so a conversation between us will probably sound like this:

M:hey have u seen caterpillar?
F:i think ia jalan dengan Daddy kali... cause i dont see him or Chips Ahoy
M: tapi dorang promise jalan dengan Harry jua.. eh did u check out Bracelets hair?
F: cant be as bad as Peppers.. i do not know what Kodak sees in her

hahaha or something more or less fcked up.. haha
btw, Fae is taking BA Programme, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences.. its been fun saying only BA Programme when everyone else is doing BA Programme in Economics or BA Programme in Public Policy.. Fae has an un-named course =)))

there has been eye-candy, but been hush hush about them.. hopefully i dont fall for any of them.. dont want another mess in my hands thanks.

and there have been my brothers friends who know me as "Pings Little Sister"... usually this will annoy me to no end, but i decided to make the most of it..

Edie(abgs fren):eh its Pings sister!
Fae: its "Adik si Ping".. get it right
Edie: aight, see u around Adik-Si-Ping

me and Mash

ali looking stoned

a potato in the shape of a heart.. i told u its been boring

and JULUR pictures!

and dont get me started on the itchiness of the Freshman Welcome Pack bag...or the fact DST hasnt released my cheque... maybe they found out i took one of their posters.. LOL

went to the Bandar perayaan with Raeky last night.. was fun watcing little kids kicking around colorful balls.. everywhere there were kids playing pass so we learnt quickly not to walk in front of a kid that had a ball in front of him.. and i kept tugging on Raekys sleeve saying things like "mommy i want a ball!" or "that kid can kick the ball better than me and my teammates!".. haha

just now went out for 'a drink' with Reza.. not alcohol mind, but went to Blue Eden and ordered a big-ass glass of milo-ping.. and a bowl of fries that i couldnt finish.. haha, and me and Reza just talked and talked about everything and anything and nothing at all...

i just realized that people have been saying really weird stuff to me lately.. for example, one of my best friends actually GAVE ME PERMISSION to go out with her boyfriend if they were ever to break up... i mean ???!!! and Mel said that she told Matt that i was the opposite of her.. haha actually true to some extent.. but we have the same weird sense of humour =p

classes start in UNI on Monday.. heck, cant say "school" anymore.. its gotta be "Uni".. god save us all.

breadangerous

2005-07-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

taken from [http://www.eskimo.com/~spban/bread.html]

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P )

jangantah di makan lagi roti paun atu...hahaha =p

happy birthday haz

2005-07-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

this post goes out to a special friend, who's been through more shit than he deserves, but still goes through the shit thrown with a head held high and...................
wow, words cant even describe him...

saying happy birthday is just too simple, saying you're "the best" is an understatement..

happy 20th gaeboo =p *mwahz*

pissed

2005-07-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
'Cause when I look you're, you're never there
But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere
You're everywhere

Tell me how I got this far
Tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there

in a way im pissed... but i dont have a plausible reason to.. sure, Blitz F.C lost against Kirana F.C 2-0, but i think we all played a good game, especially on defense...

and theres that person who is not talking to me.. even after i apologised and apologised... still nothing.. so okay, i had my reasons not to show up, and if you dont understand fine. im not going to pujuk someone that doesnt give me leeway for redemption.

im still pretty down after the whole quiting-work thing.. not for any emo-teenage reasons such as having fun times and great friends that i wont be able to see anymore, but for far more serious issues,financially... i even ran into a spot of trouble during UBD Registration, but thanks to Ajibs help, it was smoothed over in a little while.. so thank you Jib..

feeling resentment towards the Ministry for not giving us the results BEFORE we start UBD.. it would save a lotta people a lotta trouble.. but what to do...

there was this guy... who showed interest in me.. whether he was being serious or not, he made me realize that i dont want anyone right now... im pissed at myself for feeling this way, this running away from anyone who takes a step forward, because the sources of this feeling was from those two cow-holes from earlier this year...

and the stupid thing, i wasnt even going out with them..(okay Mash, i was TECHNICALLY, but not OFFICIALLY)

UBD starts tommorow... this is going to be interesting...

to Ali: remember the bet we made earlier this year? mine is up to two already =) i think UBD is a good ground to up our scores.. may the best ***** win

last day

2005-07-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

it was our last day today.. the whole unit threw us a suprise farewell party..theres nothing to say, so i'll let the pictures do the talking

but we gotta remember

over and out

work ending

2005-07-22T12:12:00.000+08:00

here i am at work, its lunch time and its freezing... im on the internet on Ka Chips computer, abusing the fast speed like i always do, munching on the cookies that are from her secret chocolate stash in her desk drawer... todays my second last day of work and im feeling pretty low..

us four attachments,hosted a little makan- makan tadi pagi, each of us bringing in a little something.. i brought corn soup and nasi, Wafi brought his AWESOME TASTING rojak and daging, Zie brought custard and Liyana brought her Oreo pudding... so full at the end of it all..

im really gonna miss working here.. waking up awal just to go to work and watching Liyana play neopets on the internet computer.. laughing at her all the way.. joking around with Zie, Ka Daty, Liyana and Wafi abt everything and anything... keeping an ear out for the voice of my supervisor, Ka Zarina... running around like a chicken with its head cut off,doing my assigned jobs,multi-tasking like an old pro..

sneaking to Ka Chips cubicle to ask if she has any munchies, watch her do her work in that highly efficent way of hers, reminding me a bit of Melina Jaini,but added with Yanis incessant talking and Hazs humour and Alis sarcasm.. hehe..

going to the bank, hehe i go there so often the clerks at the bank know that im from DST and sometimes they let me cut the line =) going to the studio and watch the guy who is the voice of Boboi work his magic with the keyboards and sound mixers,making jingles and beats left and right while joking with me the whole time... letting me bash around with the studios drum-set if im feeling extra stressed... hurrying around to make sure the invoices were out on time... the hiding out in the filing room

there are tons of memories made here
- my first day on the job, wondering what the hell Access Business was and wishing i was still Pinkys bartender
- having the only attachment computer with a cd player so used that privellage by hooking a set of speakers and blasting Dashboard Confessionals
- accidentally shredding a pile of highly important papers in the shredding machine
- going all the way to the top floor, Level 13 and watching the cars get smaller and smaller as we ascended in the glass elevator
-our hyperness whenever our pay-cheques came out
- falling for someone and the fun playful teasing from the others
- went to Level 7 to send my supervisors laptop,not remembering i was wearing Ka Datys bunny slippers and having the bad luck to run into the DEPUTY MANAGING DIRECTOR in the meeting room...
- writing letters to each other pretending to be secret admirers =)
- helping out in all the exhibitions,road-shows...
- getting into a fight on the phone with a Fed-Ex operator
- me and Zie having to endure the jibes and questions of "main bula kamu???!" after we changed into our football kits at the office and was on our way to training
- them teaching me Bruneian words that i never knew such as "jakun" "arik" and some others
- helping me revise and getting me ready for the scholarship interviews
- the therapy sessions in the photocopy room when some of us were having problems

tommorow is certainly going to be a sad day.. my last day of being
Nur Faezah Haji Aus
Job Attachment
Access Business
Interconnect Services Value
DST Communications Sdn Bhd.
so a shout-out to each of my attachment buddies:-
Zie : "so there was this guy right"... haha thanks for all the talks we had, the laughs, the inside jokes.. thanks for never losing your temper with me when i was being annoying.. thanks for being there for me when i needed you... you're a great Ka Zie =) jangan quit main bula!or ill tell "Keldiff" we talk abt him lol

Liyana : main tah neopets atu balik balik!! haha thanks for always making me laugh, and even though there have been times i wanted to wring your neck,(im sure it goes both ways) i still love you!! thanks for always answering my questions when i asked and helping me study for the scholarship interviews.

Wafi : ko jakun!! haha your like a big brother to me man.. hehe the advices u gave, the jokes u made.. hehe im sorry for anything i said or did that was over the line... im gna remember u everytime i mix nescafe and teh-tarik.. and if u need anything just call or text "Sure no worriess".. hehe sorry for slipping u the wasabi nuts! hahaha

Yamin : =p ko jahat quit awal =) the joker of the group, it was sunyi after u left so we had to be extra loud haha.. remember the time we went into bobois studio and played with the mics and our voices keluar macam Bobois?haha and the time tani escape keraja by going to Yayasan? hahah (hope Human Resource never reads this) u always either made me laugh till my insides hurt or smile till my cheeks were stretched.. hahaah.. "siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan"? hehe

Ka Chip : hehe Le Best! u fed me enough junk food for me to starve for the next month!! thanks for the girl gossip talks about "Le Oblivious".. hehe and also showing me the ropes.. look out in less than 10 years, after i finish my bonding, im gna have your job!! hahaha but ull prolly be the Managing Director by then heheehe

Ka Datz : "Sponsored by Adabi" hahaha ka datz capi capi! i still stand by my first impression of u as a teenager trapped in a grown womans body!! hehe mama wa'ie sama nabil cali berabis berabis lah!! im gna miss you!!!

oh man tommorows gna be hard...

wtf man??

2005-07-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

okay. i am SO pissed at J.K.Rowling right now!!! i mean WTF was she thinking ending Harry Potter 6 like that??? no im not gna spoil the ending for those of you still reading out there, but again, WTH man????

i was crying at the ending!!! the book was so good especially that thing that happened tht alee liked but WTH, had to end cause of stupid nobility!!... and a lot of the characters were being DOWNplayed!! like Scrimgeour, and Ginny Weasley... macam, nada keluar banyak dorang punya character!!and whats with the whole thing at the end with the R.A.B?? WTH????

stupid gimmick to keep us squirmming like effing mice for the Seventh Harry Potter book.. and curse it cause its annoyingly working... lama jua July 2006 ani eh...

and im pissed at you too.. stop what you're doing cause I HATE PEOPLE AVOIDING ME..

.plug.in. - www.simpur.net.bn - listens to Amylea - Hati Ini Telah Dilukai

for hamdi

2005-07-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

this post is for Hamdi, who i met at the UBD registration with Narissa... he said i have too much text on my blog.. so heres to you Dee =)) love ya man

hamdi at the steps of UBD

me and hamdi.. i played hooky at work to dengani Zie and Liyana pass up their forms =)

speaking of work, me, Liyana, Wafi and Zie

yamin and liyana being vain

one of the windows of DST HQ smashed by itself and showered the road below with glass... scary day it was

yo pinky blue, remember this? haha

i miss them =(

and to those of you who STILL dont believe i play football

more pics at blitzfc.multiply.com/photos

avoiding ali's blog like the plague

2005-07-19T07:16:00.000+08:00

at the moment, refraining from visiting a certain best-friends blog of fear that he will spoil new the Harry Potter book for me... im nearly done with it... then i can go back to my care-free days of blog-hopping =)

was supposed to hook-up with someone in gadong but had dinner at i-Lotus instead last night in celebration of Najib, Yazid's brothers birthday.. so i was at a table sitting with Yazid, Hazie,Iqbal, my ex-web developer (i think he doesnt know i stopped using his masterpiece XD) Yasmin (too many JIS people!)and Raeky... there were lots of food!! but i was really tired so it took every once of strength to keep listening to their conversation and not fall asleep on Raekys shoulder...

the UBD acceptance list came out yesterday, and orientation starts on the 25th.. fits into my initial plans of quiting work on Saturday 23rd then off to UBD the following week.. Uand the funny thing is i dont even know my course... it just says BA programme in the Faculty of Art and Social Sciences.. so I THINK it was that English Language Studies programme.. I THINK..
Mental note: ask Yani, as shes in your course

at work we got a suprise because Wafi was just informing us that the UBD acceptance list was out when Zie(who was waiting for word from ITB) got a call from her friend, who saw Zie's name posted on UBDs list for BA Business Admin! Zie was so shocked since she thought she was headed for ITB, and only applied to UBD saja-saja.. turns out she was practically the only one from the Business School who got accepted to do a degree programme in UBD and not a HND programme in ITB... so she saved around 2 years? she was crying in happiness!! damn so proud of you Zie!!! =)))

while Zie and Liyana were celebrating their accpetance, i was quiet.. and i hated myself for it, because all that was going on in my head was "U got accepted to UBD...and......????".. basically i dint really give two cents that i got a scholarship to UBD.. im more tense in waiting to find out if i got the government scholarship or not..does that make me arrogant?

i mean, here are some people who are totally ELATED that they got accepted, and here I am going "nyeh...."...

no, i dont think UBD as a low-ranking instituition as some Bruneians do (im sure the people in i-Lotus last night would have scoffed in my face if i said that out loud) but i feel i worked my ass off in A levels so i can get more than UBD ya know?

but then, me working my ass off in A levels is a highly debatable issue =p

its about time

2005-07-18T02:18:00.000+08:00

felt like changing the layout...now the posers are either going to be livid that i used a skin, or happy that im a poser now... and update,ONE of you! the hub is getting too quiet

its 2.18am, and im tired because i havent gotten proper sleep after my two-day workout; my friday jog with syai and my saturday match with Blitz FC... and i think syai has more stamina than i do in three training sessions..=))))

thanks for bringing me for the jog syai =) and the going-outs... hehe Romans... hehe mwahz

sleep....

Blitzer #19

2005-07-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

Blitz F.C - 1
Manggis Angels - 1

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

haha, i know i know 1-1 is a DRAW Fae, not a WIN, but fuck that shit, this was against MANGGIS ANGELS!! the last time they played against pixies, Angels defenders stamped on a pixie striker! and they play body contact!!

so before the match, our two coaches, Jul and Cliff were conveying team strategies and it seemed pretty clear on each Blitz players faces that we were very intimidated by the Angels... so our coaches told us not to worry, noone was expecting much of us since it was our first game, but at the same time, they wouldnt tolerate any slacking off either =)

the game was divided into 30-mins per half, and we were doing a 4-3-1-2 formation, and since our usual goalie couldnt make it to the game, we had to make do with one of the newbies, Linie..
i wasnt in the starting eleven thank god!

we were all pretty hyped up cause we were wearing our new jerseys which looked pretty sweet =p but then we saw the Angels, especially the infamous defender, and i realized that it was Diana, the Bruneian singer... she was by far the most 'grown-up' of the whole team... i thanked god i wasnt any of our strikers, Yanti and Chit...

there were a lot of people that came to cheer Blitz FC on... i had my own personal cheer-leader, Miss Pom-poms imported form the US, Miss Melina Jaini =)))) u know i love u girl!! ajib came too, he said he read my blog hahaha
and out of the people to show up to cheer me on was my older brothers best fren, Jus.. haha.. or maybe he just wants to check out the competiotion for DHS Pixies..

the game started off at 5pm and the cool thing was we had these really professional looking referees!.. they were 3 of them! and they were wearing the yellow referee uniforms.. we were like "Cool! we have an ACTUAL referee and two linesmen!" they even had those little flags!! when Angels played Pixies they had a guy in a pink shirt to referee! hehe

not to bore u with details so lets just say Blitz scored the first goal!! On around the 15th minute,Chit scored with a cool assist by Ruby... but the funny thing was the players on the field was so nervous and keyed up they didnt celebrate, jst got back into position... but the players on the sidelines were jumping around like mad women! hehe.. but Angels got a goal in 5 mins after...

then suddenly, Coach saw that our stiker Yanti was slowing down, so he looked at the substitutes to replace her... i avoided eyecontact with coach but damnit he went "Fae! ganti yanti." i was like "wth?? shes a striker!" Coach just smiled and signaled the ref..

so there i was in the field, and the infamous defender had a glint in her eyes when i walked to take my position, the glint said something along the lines of "Im gna eat youuuuuu".. *shudder*

had a shot at the goal, but was saved by Angels goalkeeper... and i kept hearing Jus yelling out "GO ADIK SI PING!!!!!" hahha crazy shit..

in the second half i played left-wing, not striker thank god.. tee hee
the funny thing jua is that Fae is funnily very verbal.. and there was this hilarious moment where my workmate Zie, who is the most EVEN-TEMPERED person i know.. like, she doesnt lose her temper at all... and she was playing right wing and she was passed the ball... then she was attacked by two of the Angels and was roughly hustled sampai i think ia ter-gugur... she got up and terus yelled "THAT WAS RUDE!!!!".... the blitzers were like, momentarily stunned that we shut up for a sec... hahahahahaha that was the funniest moment of the match.. si Zie ber-teriak!!! hhahahahahaha

so yea shush ali, i didnt fall down =p

football, futsal, apakan fae?

2005-07-14T07:27:00.000+08:00

im sleep deprived, due to a couple of factors and a couple of people...and my credit is also very very dead..

well, i wanna apologize to ali syai and mel for taking a raincheck on Tuesday night, even though i really wanted to go out, i had a massive headache and my knees were raw due to football training.. it was our last training before our match on Saturday, so Coach was really grilling us hard.. and in our practise game, i tried to tackle the opponent did it a few times and ended up skinning my knees till they bled.. hahaha i gotta minta Haz show me how to tackle properly =)

last night me and my brother went out to look for Futsal boots for me and we visited the same stores we visited when looking for my football equipment.. i think the Lingkas are pretty pissed with us cause we keep coming in and hardly ever buying anything... haha.. but we went to Batu Satu and i saw the coolest shoes.. Nike Tiempo Legends, white and red, no studs... atu nyaman di pakai... then i saw ANOTHER pair that was lawa, Nike Air Zoom Ninety II red and grey, no studs... and i was like eeeeeee lawa... but i didnt know which to choose... i drove my brother crazy last night cause i kept asking the names of the boots balik balik... so yea..

v.s

haha antah eh..

Blitz F.C versus Manggis Angels
Saturday, 16th July 2005
Kick-off - 4.30pm
Padang K, J.P.M.C

my first game.. and i have to break bones for Mash.. i hope Ali doesnt come and laugh me off the field =)

will it be worth the wait?

2005-07-11T07:08:00.000+08:00

shit-load has happened ever since that fun night in J.P... have you ever had those times where it seems like everything is just a-okay and ure so elated that you dont see that stone in front of your foot and you trip over it, land on the gritty gravel, bum-in-the-air?

with that fun night came consenquences,and with consenquences came conflict and pain..i feel like im back in square one with the person who i would give anything to have his trust... and im not talking about no teenage-drama-queen-i-need-ure-trust shit, this is the real thing, this is hard cold reality, this is blood... and the ironic thing is, out of the scores of friends that i can totally open up to, this particular subject is only known to the person who isnt even giving me the time of day anymore.. ironic bullshit that is...

to [78], im sorry you had to be in the middle of the crossfire.. ill explain when i have credit..

on a lighter note, my football team had a fitness test yesterday at Bukit Shahbandar... and goddamn it made me realize how much i hate hiking! sure it was a snap compared to when a bunch of us went for Outward Bound and had to climb 22 frickin hills with nearly 30kg of stuff strapped to our backs and not enough sleep..

there was a point where i was so lost in my own thoughts, i just kept my eyes trained to the ground in front of me, and i started to realize that the pathway didnt look like a pathway that was regularlyt taken, and i looked up and couldnt see my teammate,Mimi, who was infront of me just a few minutes before.. i looked back, hoping to see my other teammates and there was noone...i had strayed out of the path without knowing...

trying not to panic(ignoring the visions in my head that showed me in the dark forest alone with just my water bottle for company) i called out my coach's name.. thank god he answered back and his voice seemed like it was on the other side of the shoulder of rock that was on my right... he came to rescue me and as it turned out i had taken a wrong turning and was walking parallell to the pathway the whole time, but i was on the rocks... the coach made sure i was in view the whole time after that..=p

so ali, wanna go bukit shahbandar together? =p

after the fitness test, we went to watch Manggis Angels and DHS Pixies play at JPMC.. my team is playing Angels next saturday so we wanted to scope out the competition.. turns out DHS Pixies are the team Aizat coaches, the one Mash is in, and the one Jus helps out with... i knew a lot of Mashes teammates and turns out i knew Aizats older sister even before i knew Aizat... small fricking world Brunei is i swear... hung out with Mirul most of the time, playing pass cause i couldnt see the game with my short-sighted-ness..

i gotta get this off my chest... why am i waiting around? in the past, the 'old' Fae wouldnt be waiting around, especially what happened in 2003 when i DID decide to wait for someone.. but now i actually dont mind waiting for 'him'.. syai was suprised when i told her during our sushi date; but i said something that wasnt even in my head "Fae's different with every guy she likes"... the sentence suprised both me and syai and i still dont know where it came from...

so now im waiting, but time is running out so will it be worth it in the end? or just another "could-have-been"?

i miss Mel and Yani.

xoxox so heres my heart waiting for you to take it baby xoxox

spontaienity kick ass!

2005-07-06T07:22:00.000+08:00

i woke up tuesday morning thinking i was going to have a crappy day because i was semi-pissed at someone for something he did and the fact that he hadnt even apologized peeved me off more...

but i got a suprise at work, cause he came to my workplace just so he could see me and apologize in person =) now all is well between us...

then after football training, i thought my night was just going to be me and the t.v having some quality time together, just like how my aching muscles were suggesting... but no sooner did i walk in the door straight outta training, the phone rang and it was Mel and Diz wanting to bring me to JP... pass up a chance to hang with the girls? HELL NO... screw my aching body..

we went to JP, but we changed our minds when we were in the parking lot cause we thought [a group of three girls - no guys + scary jerudong people at night ]wasnt the best equation..

so we decided to go to the mall.. (diz drives crazy btw) but when we got to the mall, Ali called and said that THEY were in J.P! damn u ali, why cudnt u have called BEFORE we paid $2 for parking?? hahaha so we went BACK to J.P... and ali was there with Sham and MASH!!!!! tee-hee, ironically me and mash were on the phone monday night and complaining to each other that we dint get to see each other much... =) =) =)

so there we were, me, Mel, Diz, Ali, Mash and Sham, ready to have the time of our lives at the park that has lost its former glory but held memories of sweet innocent childhood years; all hyped up to ride the Pusing Lagi and the Giant Drop, when we saw the entrance board near the ticket stand saying

Isnin & Selasa - TUTUP

ahahahahahaha pedah pedah!!! so to Bruneians out there, please note that Jerudong Park Playground is CLOSED on Mondays and Tuesdays

so we all went to Khazs Corner in Sengkurong to have a right laugh at ourselves... Diz, Sham and Ali were driving, so they raced all the way to Sengkurong.. hahaha

after that we went to Jerudong beach to just sit and talk... we all got along really well considering the fact that some of us dint know each other before the night...and some other stuff..but memorable night...

(and Sham lent me a truck loada DvDs!!! well a lil exageration, but hearing him talk abt them, makes u think they ARE a truck loada DvDs.. inda ku betidur nie, GURANTEE!)

so spontainity bears happy fruit =) and to think i wanted to stay home =)

//Yellowcard - Gifts and Curses

stupid government

2005-07-02T07:18:00.000+08:00

first point that government has holes in the system:-

ali just told me that he isnt leaving today(saturday) and he might leave sometime next week... so yay a few extra days of ali in brunei =) =)

he seemed a little worried when we went out to antar kel off, i think hes worried abt his visa.. but i have absolutely no doubt that he IS going to fly off and become the best pilot for RBA, but due to the stupid way the government loves red tape and paperwork, i betcha its just gna be post poned for a lil bit...

another point that shows that either the government is corrupt or just plain lazy ass MOFOs is the fact that my friend from my driving school just texted me saying that everyone passed their Highway Code test... erm HELLO?!!! i KNOW i got a "Soalan Wajib" wrong!!! i shud fail hello???

tch... but their laziness is to my advantage.. i keep my best fren for a teeny bit longer and i dont have to study for stupid road sign tests no more...

in point form

2005-07-01T11:57:00.000+08:00

- had my MIB interview... got called on a saturday and was told the interview was that following monday... had plans the whole weekend so didnt have time to study till monday morning...
thank god rey helped me so i dint feel THAT nervous when we arreived at the MOE...we tried to curb our nervousness by commenting on our surroundings, from the poiinted heels of this woman worker which looked so sharp it would TOTALLY hurt if shoved up ure nose, to this 'plant' which had nothing on its branches..it was basically just twigs glued together.

the interview itself went bad... i screwed up at the first minute by not knowing the malay translation of my course *wince* can someone tell me what "Mass Communications and Public Relations" is in malay? then i dint know what month it was that you were supposed to naik haji.. and they asked me to list down in order the adat adat istiadat perkahwinan orang brunei...i mean how the fuck am i supposed to know that? oh wait, by STUDYING... hahaha but nyeh...

oh and i forgot the Sultans full name!!! hahahahahahahahahaahahha orang brunei apa ni????!!!!

- it was yamins last day at work kelmarin.. and made me realize how much im gna miss working at dst when i quit (23rd July)... so much fun working here..inda sah kalau nada laughs dalam sehari.. crazy times..we spent the day being vain and taking loadsa pictures... my workmates are vain i tell ya! and id rather be the one taking pictures than being IN the picture so i was the one taking most of the pics...

- rezas back in town so its been fun hanging with him.. he looks like a footballer with his ponytail and earring and his italian looks shining, hahahaha...the old jokes are still funny, the old insults still work.. hehe.. and he made me realize when someone leaves it doesnt mean theyll be gone forever... makes the fact that bil left and alis leaving better to stomach...

- have finally picked which UNiversity to go to if i get the scholarship.. yesterday i logged onto UCAS track and made a firm acceptance to Cardiff University.. the reasons? cause if i go to Leeds, ill just end up being a pothead... hahahahahaha true kan? kan kan kan? and im gna be with my best fren if i go tro Cardiff. rent a house, throw parties, her yelling at me in the morning to get the house cleared up and off to our communication lectures.. yea thats the life... hahaha apakan...

- im gna miss ali.. i WILL see him again, but im gna miss him...

- i miss bil... am thinking of using the company fone to call her... hehehehe if i get fired biartia.. as long as i get to talk to my girlfren.. lol

- i wanna go to KL and singapore with melina jaini and sharifah suryani tapi i have no money and i cant skive off work... so u girls better save the adventures till we go to UK together lol...

- i failed my undang undang test hahaha cause of one stupid roadsign that looks like Zorros mark.. stupid Zorro...

- i went to a abday party the other day with yamin.. it was Ka Chips son Mukri's third bday party... and ada slide bouncer.. that was filled with water =) =) =) =) siukkkkk.. kami main the bouncer sama ka chips husbands football mates.. hahaha watching late-20 year old men playing water slide is a really funny experience.. hehehe and i met ka chips cousin who was the Voice editor the year before us...afifah is her name i think..

i dont know what to say anymore...

knick knack paddywhack

2005-06-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

haha okay i can explain....

i didnt want to go to sleep after i posted, so i called up Bil, and we had a major Gaboo Session... thank you so much darlz... she put a few things into perspective, she made me realize that i needed to make the best out of time we have...

i stayed up as long as i could after the phone call because i didnt want to go to sleep.. reason? i was scared to dream of him... but i did inevitably fall asleep, and i DID dream of him...

the dream:
i was riding on an escalator, going up, and i turned and saw him at the foot of the escalator... he was beckoning to me so i started running down the escalator,going against the flow...but i was going nowhere, i kept running and running but i seemed to still be in the same position... in the end i stopped running and yelled "GET ON!", so he stepped on the escalator... i'll meet you at the top...

i woke up feeling a little bit better... put on my favorite baju kurung and bils ring as a good luck charm and went to work... it was really hard to look at him in the eye... i had a few therapy sessions with my workmate in the photocopy room and they advised me on some stuff... and i made up my mind to talk to him because heck i really like the guy..

at lunchtime i got a call from 'orang atu', who was craving for sushi, so he brought me to Excapade Qlap and cheered me up real good =) thanks man, owe u one..

after lunch, fueled by sushi, i finally had a talk to him... the results were great cause all the awkwardness dissapeared... we were back the way we were, and turns out i misunderstood what he meant... sure he still thinks that long distances dont work out, but he still wants to get to know me better, and hopefully when hes ready, we can take it to another level... so were just taking things slow right now... i want to erase all the bad feelings i felt on tuesday..

then before the end of work, he suprised me by ajak-ing me to watch a movie with his sisters that night... and thats how we ended up at the mall killing time with his two sisters before watching the 9oclock show at Bolkiah...

enter aLi:
me and his 2 sisters were walking around on the first floor of the mall while he was at Winmark, when i hear a poklen hiss.. u know the one that goes "psssssssttt pssssssstttt"... but this particular poklen hiss sounded vaguely familiar and had a teeny bit of urgency... looked to my left and saw aLi riding the down escalator, beckoning me.. (ehhhhh i feel like i typed that already...) so i started running towards and down the escalator...macam movie yooooo hahaha when i reached aLi, i terus hit him so i think people who were watching me thought i was running after a boyfren yang ada buat dosa haha

oh, really recommend watching a horror movie with someone you fancy ;)

and goddamn ali for leaving soon.. damn bil for leaving soon.. in under 2 weeks two of my best friends are going to leave the country... damnnn this fact only truly hit me when i caught up with ali and he said "im leaving in a week" *hears gongs in head and feels a punch in the gut*

im going to supress these feelings that i always have when someones going to leave the country, although these feelings are sharper this time cause its TWO people that i love and cherish...
i dont wanna think about it anymore..

*after Sham left for U.K*
GaBoo: hey what would you do if I left the country?
Fae: probably kill myself
GaBoo: ohhhhh thats so sweet, im "kill myself" material!!

i dont wanna think about it

This old man, he played one
He played knick-knack on my thumb
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played two
He played knick-knack on my shoe
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played three
He played knick-knack on my knee
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played four
He played knick-knack on my door
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played five
He played knick-knack on my hive
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played six
He played knick-knack on my sticks
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played seven
He played knick-knack up in heaven
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played eight
He played knick-knack on my gate
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played nine
He played knick-knack on my spine
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played ten
He played knick-knack once again
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

fate fell short this time

2005-06-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

its happened again.. makes me wonder why i even bother with these things...

i was going to tell you how i felt on saturday, the day we were supposed to watch the movie, but then you suprised me by cornering me on friday and telling me how YOU felt.

you said that you liked me.
you said that you would regret it if you didnt tell me today.
you said you've always felt comfortable around me
you said that if we were to take the relationship to another level, and i were to go overseas, you would still give 'us' a try.

and then,
i said that i liked you too, probably longer than you've liked me
i said that i loved your companionship

but then,
i said that i didnt know much about you, and you didnt know much about me
i said that i have just gotten hurt by a guy, who toyed with my heart, and left me bruised

what i wanted to say was that i wanted to give 'us' a chance, even though i was fresh out of the battlefield and the bruises were still healing..because i truly believed that you could be the one to help me heal...

we parted that day without officially establishing what we were.. we didnt have a 'status'...

but u made me feel cared...
and my mindset started to change, i started to act like i was someones girlfren.. baby steps towards an official relationship...

it was funny in a way; regarding you as a 'boyfriend'
introduced you to my brother and my friends
let my friends get to know u better
making you top priority when having a chance to call or message
telling you what i was up to
getting jealous when that girl showed intrest in you (not that i told u i was jealous)

but then, after a week ad a half of being in the 'grey area', someone started showing interest in me.. and although i had no interest in him, it made me wonder just what exactly me and you were.. because even though i would have felt guilty if i had given him my number, i shouldnt feel guilty because you and i arent 'exclusive'.. i shouldnt feel jealous because you werent mine..

so i asked you outright, " what exactly are we?" and your answers shocked me..

u answered that you have been thinking after confessing
u answered that you realized after much thought, that you wouldnt stand a long distance relationship
u answered that you were so scared of the future, of not HAVING a future with me, that that was why you havent asked me to be your girlfren
u answered that you hoped that we would just remain as we are, friends?

i am sick of hearing that excuse,
i am sick of people using the future as an excuse.

because thats what it is, a cowardly excuse.. werent you the one that told me that we should seize life?that we should live in the now? cant you see what you have NOW? fuck the future, fuck the fact that u might lose me to a foreign country, you have me NOW...

i am sick of handing my heart to someone i deem worthy of keeping it safe and to have them walk all over it...

im tired, but i dont want to go to sleep, because ill just dream of you...

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I’ll leave when I wanna

This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say you meant anything different
To anyone standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met

Look to the past
And remember and smile.
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you.

the little things you do

2005-06-17T12:25:00.000+08:00

Some are lucky to find that one person who dont hesitate to show with words and actions, that straight out send the message that they care. through love letters that explain in pages and pages of flowery language or through love tokens that display prominently the words "I LOVE YOU" or "U R MY BEST FRIEND"..

but these type of people are now regarded with cynicism.. sincerity is always doubted..and not without evidence, as scores of playboys and play-girls out there just say the words that youve been meaning to hear without any actual sincerity.. thus the phrase "whisper sweet nothings"

however, upon deeper inspection, there seems to be another way to show affection and love, and its not through elaborate confessions, but quite the opposite... usually done by the shy, or those not used to displaying emotion, they show affection and care through "the little things" that they do...

by buying you a keychain of "Edna Mode" from the Incredibles because she was your favorite character in the movie
by waiting for you at the door when your class finishes
by buying you a bar of chocolate just because you happened to mention that you havent eaten chocolate in a long time
by bringing you his favorite jacket because he knows you get cold easily
by filling up your MP3 player with songs that he keeps hearing you sing
by reminding you to take your medicine
by suggesting you skip training for the day because he sees that you're tired
by bringing you to watch his friends play footsal cause you've just started playing football
by telling you that theres a sale at the bookstore cause he knows you love reading
by pasting up a cute picture on your desktop at work to see you smile
by messaging you goodluck before your big interview
by saying your name in his prayers...

ill take someone who says "i care" in his own obscure ways than someone who shouts "i love you" but doesnt mean it anyday..

just a dream

2005-06-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

been too tired to post..

[aLee] thanx for the ankle support...im sure itll really help me during training and matches.. if ure not too busy ure welcome to come to the match on sunday... no gurantees im gna be playing though,so no gurntees to have a chance to have a right laugh n my expense, but hey you can drool over my teammates... =) miss ya

[BiL] i cant believe ure leaving soon...*sigh* jalan on our anniversary? i lanja? and u still need to interview *him* heee

[KeL] 8 hrs what on earth????how was exams?

[Yazid] apologies...

[FaYe 2] im sorry i couldnt meet you this week.. ive been really busy.. ill try next week sorrryyyy

[HaZ] i miss youuu

[Rey] bila badminton??????

[Mash] seriously, i bet theres a club out there named "Guys who have fallen for Mash but too scared to tell her United" or something... mwahz

[you] i had a dream about you... and in the dream you were mine.. as in we were together and we were so happy, and everything felt so right...all we did were just normal everyday stuff, like having lunch together, going for a cruise, windowshopping, but all these normal things felt richer, felt more colourful, just because of the sole fact that i was sharing them with you...

i woke up with a smile on my face...and feeling the utmost contentment... until i realized, it will never happen...

i miss you....

FOR KEL

2005-06-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

eh eh eh eh Kel!!! Kel Kel Kel!! check this out :-

hahahah kambang aku ah! i just got my Provisional License this morning..and its not like im excited cause ive never seen these little pieces of papers before, its just im awestruck that one of these little pieces of papers has MY name on it heeeeee

Kel inda jealous? Kel Kel Kelllll

my plans keep changing.. last minute cancellations, last minute hooking-ups.. this was SUPPOSED to be my week:-

Sunday 29th - chill, 4.30 training
Monday 30th - 2.40 interview, then to JPD to get my provisional license,then 5pm training
Tuesday 31st -4pm training
Wednesday 1st -lunch with Wardi, initially 7pm movie with Wuffy,Zie,Liyana and Yamin(workmates), but got messaged by manager for indoor training at 7.30 so rescheduled movie for saturday afternoon
Thursday 2nd- lunch with Ali,7 pm movie with Raeky
Friday 3rd - 5pm training then girly outing with the girls
Saturday 4th - afternoon- movie with Wuffy,Zie,Liyana and Yamin
Sunday 5th - work-volunteer at Simpur Family Day in S.M.Menglait; then Socio lunch gathering at 2pm

but this is what happened to THOSE plans

Saturday- after training, i was brought to the hospital cause my ankles and knees hurt during training, and the doctor gave me medicine and banned me from training for a whole week.

Sunday- couldnt chill cause abang bawa jalan but left me at the mall to go play football so hooked up last minute with mel and later on with jason.. skipped training

monday - interview, came at 2, ended at 4.15 so didnt get to go to the JPD for my P license. skipped training

tuesday- went to training but stopped after an hour cause ankle HURT!! kana marahi oleh teammates for going against doctors orders

wednesday- wardi had a cold so cancelled our lunch, ended up having lunch at KFC,The Mall, visited Jason at Incomm.. then manager txted saying indoor training was cancelled so went back to original plan of watching movies with workmates.. ended up watching 'Madagascar'

thursday - ali cancelled lunch cause he had an RBA breifing; raeky called cancelling our movie cause he was needed at home

i dont know if im allowed to train tomorrow, and i dont knw kalau the girly outing jadi... and my dad just told me that he booked me a driving lesson on Sunday at 2pm, the time of the lunch gathering... so now i moved up the gathering to 12pm (sorry guys!) and hopefully everything will turn out as planned.. though that hasnt happened at all..

dont you hate it when u plan and plan and nothing turns out as planned? thats why i hardly ever plan ahead, but rather do things spontaneously..

///Listens to Edge of Fire - "Whole Again" ///

against me

2005-06-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

i think someone 'up there' doesnt want me to go to sleep... i was so tired after training that i wanted to go to sleep early... so after showering and bla bla, i was walking towards my room, and "BRINGGG" the phone rings just when i was walking past it and guess who it was??? NAJIE POOH from the land of the rising sun!!! hehehehe was great to hear from her since i was asleep the last time she called... we caught each other up on our lives... that Kyudo - japanese archery sounds awesome..im jealous!!!

so after i got off the phone with Naj i was already a bit sleepy so i went to bed and started to drift off to sleep...and then my phone rang..a misscall.. from my work-crush... and then he messaged.. messaged back...reply reply reply till i cudnt take my drooping eyelids so i txted saying goodnight...

was finally drifting off when the phone rang again! and it was an "Unknown" number.. so i pick it up and WA-HEYYY its Yazid calling from Australia! he couldnt sleep so he decided to give me a call and ask how the interview was... and he made me jealous cause he went to watch Foo Fighters LIVE... damnnnnn youuuuu

so after half an hour of yazid, he let me go to sleep.. but goddamn it my eyes wouldnt close!!

so now im up at 2am in the morning blogging and chatting with Shai...
curses. the sandman probably gave up on me.

Pintlock: a lock for ice-cream pints
A Ben and Jerry's customer requested that the ice-cream come "in stainless steel, bulletproof containers with a little padlock." The company didn't go that far, but they did create this lockable pint-lid that fits over your ice-cream and deters casual munchers from helping themselves.

the things they think of...

and it went...

2005-05-30T23:19:00.000+08:00

hrm... it could have gone better, but it could have gone worst... the past few days i've been FREAKING out, especially to my workmates, due to my absolute lack of confidence in my malay skills... actually lack of confidence is an understatement... *picks up grain of sand and crushes it into miniscule pieces.points at miniscule piece* THATS how big my confidence in my malay is...

my workmates have been coaching me malay,(in between teasing me with bahasa brunei dalam that i HAVE no idea what they mean- like terpeleot..wth?!) and it was a lot of help, especially from Wuffy(new attachment) who suggested questions and answers that might get asked... thanks man!!! u were loadsa help!!

but my fear of me blabbering on in malay that dint make sense diminished slightly cause out of 5 interviewers, three of them asked me in english... THANK GOD cause i TOTALLY have no idea how to explain about Communications in malay... "Komunikasi adalah *thinks of malay word for 'subject'* kursus yang *thinks of word for 'about'*.....uhhhhhhhh"

but they asked me stuff about communications in english, what did i plan to do with my course, did i think i had enough skills to survive a communications course bla bla bla, i answered the best that i could, which wasnt much cause i was terrified, but they did understand what i was on about... i started feeling confident, especially since the youngest guy of the panel kept giving me encouraging nods and smiles which made me feel better, but then the religious guy cincang-ed my confidence into little pieces by asking me-
"dayang, ceritakan kepada kami tentang Tassauf"

"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

upon seeing my bangang-ness, he launched into a lecture about tasauf and people forgetting allah... i just nodded cause i heard that that was the best thing to do.. hehe... but seriously... i remebered tasauf as one of those philosophical subjects, about "nilai-nilai murni" and stuff, but i was tryna think on how to convey that in malay..but since he launched that lecture *shrug* biar tah ia...

loadsa thank-yous for the good-luck messages (esp to Kel and Jus all the way in the kingdom) and apologies to everyone that i drove crazy,pre-interview,with my constant annoying-ness... and im sorry to say u all will have to go thru it AGAIN IF i get called for the Malay Orals... hehe

*mwahzzzzz*

FINALLY!!!

2005-05-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

they called !!! after nearly three weeks of waiting they finally called!!!!

my scholarship interview is on Monday the 30th May, 2.45pm..

relief turns into nervousness and onto freaked out in the speed of light..

and its going to be in Malay...

tips anyone?? please?

karma

2005-05-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

i dont get myself... im listening to this one song, and its on repeat, and it has been on repeat for the past couple of hours, and one thing you should know about me, a sole song on repeat drives me CRAZY...

but this song, antah ah...it doesnt have a strong emotional attachment for me like certain songs do, like Yellowcard's "Empty Apartment" or Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting"... but there's SOMETHING about it...

i dont even know if its the exact song that he played on his car stereo..but i do think of him when i listen to it... and unfortunately, i DO miss the guy... but why THIS song? lyrics mean a lot to me, and the lyrics to this song doesnt grasp the situation at all... but that one line jumps out at me, the line that goes - "Jangan menangis sayang"... but WHY???

*confused*

Cokelat "Karma"

Sekian lama kita bersama
Ternyata kau juga, sama saja
Kau kira ku percaya semua
Segala tipu daya, oh percuma

Kau buat sempurna, awalnya
Berakhir bencana

Selamat tinggal sayang
Bila umurku panjang, kelak ku kan datang
untuk buktikan, satu balas 'kan kau jelang
Jangan menangis sayang
Kuingin kau rasakan, pahitnya terbuang
Sia-sia, memang kau pantas dapatkan

Akhirnya, usai sudah semua
Kudapat tertawa, bahagia

Selalu tampak indah, awalnya
Berakhir bencana

Selamat tinggal sayang
Bila umurku panjang, kelak ku kan datang
'Tuk buktikan, satu balas 'kan kau jelas
Jangan menangis sayang
Kuingin kau rasakan, pahitnya terbuang
Sia-sia, memang kau pantas dapatkan

OUT!

2005-05-25T03:05:00.000+08:00

yes!!! im out of the Crimson Room!!!! hahahahahahahaha after nearly an hour of clicking on random numbers to open the safe box, decided to go to the URL that was on the memo and tried every freaking number i could see on the page... cause everything was in freaking japanese characters!

then got the screwdriver and was blank on what to do with it so started clicking on random crap.. hahahahahha but i got out in the end!!!!!

what next dee??

*falls asleep*

rush rush rush

2005-05-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

work has been extra hectic these past two days... and since on a normal day its so hectic that i dont sit down half the time, you can imagine how i am when its extra-hectic...

here's my outline of this afternoon :- at 2pm, i went to the Supreme Court in Bandar to get legal documents stamped, and the lawyer who sent me gave me the wrong directions; he said level 1 and i ended up in probation court..which was totally not where i was supposed to be...so i asked for directions and was told to go to level 2...so after half an hour of wandering around, i finally found the place where i had to get the documents stamped,thank god.. i realized that lawyers are scary looking... and in the probation courtroom were alot of seedy looking characters =s - i wonder who out of the people i know, in a few more decades, will end up as lawyers, and who will end up as the seedy looking characters...lol

after court, zoomed off to Citibank (zooming being the key word as it closes at 3pm)..got there 10 mins before closing time and deposited $30,000+ worth of cheques... then hopped to IBB bank and deposited $900+ IN CASH...

then had to go to IDBB in kiulap to sort out these finances.. they claim that theyve paid all of their debts to DST but i had evidence that they havent.. the woman looked at me queerly, prolly cause i look too young to handle business discussions.. which in a way i am...

and in the IDBB building, you had to press which floor u wanted to go to BEFORE u got in the lifts... theres a post with buttons that u key in the level number,then it shows which lift ure supposed to ride... didnt see the point as there were only 2 lifts... but watever lol..

then i had to go to the Ministry of Finance to collect a cheque for DST, and GODDAMNNN the MoF building is so cool!! kalah DST HQ!! its like "holyshit im in a Hollywood Sci-Fi movie set"!!!
but its so confusing inside!! i rode the elevators up to level 3 (thats the only thing i knew - head to level 3 -BAG Networks) but ended up in front of the Mens surau.. hahah

but there was this cute guy who was coming out so i asked him for directions to BAG Networks and he kinda laughed and said that it was in the other wing of the building...then he lead me to the reception where i had to surrender my I.C in exchange for a security pass... mental... well with all that money i gess its appropriate...it IS the Ministry of FINANCE... then he lead Me to the lifts and HEY its the same scheme as in IDBB!! buttons in the middle of the room... hahahah mental jua ehhh

THEN i had to rush back to DST HQ to send out this memo that was about an urgent meeting on Thursday, so it had to be out ASAP..and by this time it was 4.30pm and we end work at 5pm... heeeeeeeeee rush rush rush rush

sorry to talk about work but hey its was eventful =) i am seriously over-worked and under-paid...

and to CIBO - fae tau, ure white right? and you turn up the volume if Avril comes on =p

---->>> they havent called yet...... =s

post-match

2005-05-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

out of all the things to do on a Saturday night, i tagged along with my brother to Liyana's restaurant to watch the F.A.Cup Final - Man U v.s Arsenal, with a bunch of his footie mates... we arrived early and my brother started getting pissy cause the customers of Liyanas were watching the A.F Prelude concert..but Ali came and got them to change the channel to Star Sports...their footie mates came later on, including Haz, Ros, Zaidi and Razif... was the only girl at the table...hahaha

enjoyed watching the game cause im tryna pick up pointers, but in the middle of the second half i was half asleep cause i was so tired, so grabbed the car keys and took a nap in the car..hahaha... woke up just in time for extra time.. but GODDAMNIT ManU lost because of the penalty shootout, Scholes missed his shot... mental tarus si Ali...as i type this hes prolly bitching abt it on his blog... and abg has a sore throat after yelling so much

Note:// watching football with ure brothers mates, will ensure you an amount of eye-candy ;)

to Dee, i duno if ure the Deena that Sham introduced me to masa raya, but if u are, i went to ure blog, and played The Crimson Room...i got to the part where the movie played, but im not out of the room yet.. any tips? freaking freaky game yaw!

i dont have work or any training tommorow, so i can finally have a rest... but then i need to jog to get my banged-up knee better... and my ankle is still pretty weak.. and i may have a game coming up middle of next month... so according to my personal physiotherapists (ali and abg, lol) need to get me some ankle guards to help my weak ankles *hums "head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes"*

i want to watch the Star Wars movie....

i still havent gotten the call....CALL ME GODDAMNIT!!!
*sees mobile dance a mocking dance out of corner of eye*

anticipating

2005-05-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

four working days have passed... that darn phone call still hasnt come... the phone is still silent... no ringing... i can just feel my mobile mocking me... its little Sony Erricsson T630 body shaking for no apparent reason, just to see me jump cause i think its an incoming call...i swear, it sometimes beeps for no reason...its my mobile mocking me..............

am very annoyed with the fact that Brunei is such a fucked up small country...everyone is linked to everyone.... its like - u have a friend who went to primary school with someone whose mom works with the dad of the kid who u used to play carah with... or something more or less fucked up...

just found out that one of my workmates went to secondary school with "him"...and she also was in the same math class with one of my ex-s...and get this - my work-crush lives/plays football/good homies with this guy i used to have a crush on, then this ex-crush has an exgirlfren who has the most cutest best fren whom im also crushing on at the moment,then it turns out that my workcrush used to be in the same clss with my other crush in secondary school...and also my workcrush was in the same football team in college with another one of my ex-es...hahah antah ihhhh

i suprised my workmate on her birthday with a bouquet of roses...one pink and two white roses... heeheee i can sooooo be a good boyfren...or at least a good lesbian lover =)

my workcrush messaged me...so now i have his number...and we had a semi-date on tuesday... =)

my right ankle is fucked-up...so is my left knee...or is it the other way around?left ankle right knee...and my team-mate accidentally kicked me i training, hitting the toe that got broken last year... =/

oh hey, agree with me on this? -
u cannot have a relationship with someone that u cant imagine being romantic/make out with-
right? right?